Choose To Live Lovely

Please Visit Me At My New Home!

2012-01-29T20:56:00.003-06:00

Hi dear friends! This blog has been a special place to me for the past few years, but over time it became clear that my intentions weren't focused and it just didn't feel quite right any more. Still, my love of storytelling continues - simply with a stronger purpose. So, I've created a new blog that I am over-the-moon in love with! Please stop by and visit. I think you will feel right at home!

Please follow me at:

http://www.unfoldingpage.com

See you there!

The Bedazzled Pitbull

2012-01-14T09:13:00.004-06:00

What do you get when you cross a dance mom with a hockey mom?

For sure something crazy, right?!

Between Sarah Palin's line about pitbulls and lipstick and the "Dance Moms" reality show, neither of my titles carry a very good rep.

And I can't say I am doing much to help the case!

I'm the one in the lobby of the dance studio - still in my high heels from work - brushing one kid's hair while changing another into sports gear, all with a cell phone pressed between ear and shoulder and a Snickers bar (my dinner) in my mouth, before flying out the door 10 minutes late for another event, frantically digging in my purse to find my keys which are probably sitting back on the bench on other side of the studio where I first set them down with my five bags 20 minutes before. And, shoot, I forgot to pay and now there's a line at the desk...

A jumbled run-on? Yes, I know. With a competitive dancer and two hockey players as my kids, that is my reality.

But do you know the really crazy part? I love it! Believe it or not, I - the one who wears only a brush of mascara and owns not a single piece of sparkly attire - have grown quite fond of applying stage makeup, fake hair and rhinestones. And I - the one who hates the cold - now have a wardrobe of fleece blankets and cute hats for the arena. I'm even learning to tie the skates! (Yes, this is a big deal for me!)

Not to say it doesn't take a toll. I certainly do cross the line to seriously crazy sometimes. We have very little down time. And I wish my primary mode of communication with my husband wasn't mobile technology. But it's all so worth it.

I am fed by my kids' energy and feel blessed that they have healthy little bodies that enable them to participate. And I am proud. Incredibly proud. I even wear the oversized buttons with their pictures to prove it.

Just cut me a little slack if you see me at the ice rink in a bedazzled "Dance Mom" shirt. I probably just didn't have time to change.

Much More Than Word Play

2012-01-12T18:54:00.016-06:00

The power of the written word is richly evident in the blogs I follow. I am continually amazed how each author's distinctly chosen words allow thoughts and emotions to be expressed so clearly. I often feel deeply connected to authors I have never met or that I am finally really getting to know an old friend.

Every once in a while my attention gets pulled away from the blog world, but I always get drawn back in.

During November my husband's identical twin brother was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. My sister-in-law Anne, who is generally a quiet and private person, began a blog to keep family and friends appraised of his condition and treatment. What I expected was status updates. What she delivered was a deep look into her beautiful soul. Rather than providing quick reports, she is allowing us to experience this journey with her. Her honest and inspiring posts have been revealing to the core and I admire her more than ever.

Another favorite example that I have mentioned before is Liv Lane's blog. I knew Liv as a child, but it has been at least 20 years since I last saw her in person. Yet, through her blog I feel like she is welcoming me into her home. Liv's positive spin on life and thoughtful commentary always leave me with a cozy feeling.

Just as the written word helps me feel more connected to others, I find it also helps me feel better connected with myself. When I stay away from my writing too long I feel like something is missing.

Writing is mindfulness for me.

With that realization, I've decided to make my writing more of a priority with greater intention behind it. And who better to turn to for inspiration than Liv Lane! I just started Liv's online course, Build A Blog You Truly Love, and what a treat it is to be devoting energy to this! I am looking forward to six weeks of digging deep and building connections through words. Here I go...

At Home With Grandma

2011-05-10T19:37:00.006-05:00

As I've grown older holidays have taken on new meaning for me. As much as a time for celebration, they now stand out as bold milestones marking yet another year passed. On Mother's Day this year I was especially struck by that feeling.

So much has happened in the past year. Was it only 12 months ago that my family sat doing needle point together in my Grandma's garden? Now her home of over 50 years sits vacant waiting to be sold. Half of her cherished possessions are still inside because there isn't room for everything in her apartment at the memory care center where she has lived since March.

Sudden-onset dementia forced itself into our lives this winter. Fortunately, my Grandma has the type that comes and goes, so although sometimes she doesn't know where she is or who we are, other days we still get the gift of her full presence. (I love those days.)

I'm glad she was completely with us the day we moved her, even though that day has left a permanent scar on my heart. My mom had been explaining the plan to her for weeks, but nothing could prepare her. None of us were prepared.

It was more than Grandma could bear to see her living room with her couch moved out. She collapsed into my arms and sobbed. It was the first time I've seen her cry. She knew she was no longer in control. Dementia had moved in and taken over without consent.

Nothing about that day was easy. We went through the motions like robots wearing fake smiles as we introduced Grandma to her new home. We were going to make this a happy place if our lives depended on it, damn it!

The definition of home just had to change.

It hasn't been easy (of course not), but Grandma has actually adjusted quite well to her new surroundings. My wonderful mom is still there everyday, so that's why it is home, but Grandma is also enjoying some of the activities and social interaction enabled through community living.

My kids wish we could move in to the unit next door! How cool would it be to live in a place with a daily packed agenda of balloon volleyball, miniature golf, manicures, sing-a-longs, and arts and crafts?! It's just like preschool.

It really is.

On Mother's Day I saw my Grandma cry again, when she read the card from my mom. "This makes me so sad," she said. "Because I'm no good anymore."

She was fully present. But she was totally wrong. I hope we convinced her of that. No matter where she is - in mind or body - my Grandma continues to teach me more about love and life than I ever knew possible.

I love you, Grandma.

In the Presence of Greatness

2011-05-07T17:42:00.009-05:00

"You are lucky to be in the Twin Cities," were among the closing words by writer Brain Malloy last weekend at The Loft's Children's & Young Adult Literature Conference.

There is no denying the truth of his statement after spending two days with local authors David LaRochelle, Debra Frasier, Lisa Bullard, Lynne Jonell, Molly Beth Griffin, Kurtis Scaletta, Dara Dokas, and many noteable others. I was awed and honored to be in their presence and am still feeling the afterglow.

According to Malloy, the Twin Cities is second only to New York in the number of authors, editors, and literary learning opportunities.

Let me tell you, it was quite humbling to sit in The Loft's Target Performance Hall as one of more than two hundred writers all chasing the same dream.

Can I compare to them? Am I really one of them? The answer is YES.

It's not a matter of confidence or talent, it's a matter of passion. As Lynne Jonell put it in her presentation about the challenges of seeking publication: "A writer writes, regardless."

With those words ringing in my ears and my heart, I had the courage to introduce myself to David LaRochelle - albeit completely star struck -and have the best moment of my weekend (year? life?) chatting with him while he autographed two of his books for me. What an honor!

The entire weekend was far beyond my expectations. It was inspiring to hear from powerhouse editor Arthur A. Levine that for him it's "all about love." It was invigorating to discuss motivation techniques with Lisa Bullard over lunch at Spill the Wine. And it was encouraging to get a peek at David LaRochelle's original manuscripts prior to edit (they actually needed work!).

The whole experience was rewarding in a way that my 20 plus pages of notes can hardly represent.

This community is home to me. I've found my place.

Earth Day Musings

2011-04-22T08:15:00.012-05:00

I am thrilled to have the day off work today so I can spend Earth Day enjoying nature. It was wonderful to have some quiet time this morning snuggling with my cats, listening to the choir of birds, and admiring the emerging green in my backyard. Bliss!

It has been a long while since I have added words to this blog because my free time has been filled with another kind of writing. I have finally completed a long labor of love - a children's book manuscript about environmental appreciation and conservation. My goal was to finish it by Earth Day and I am thrilled that I met that milestone. Still, it's a long road ahead of editing and the difficult quest to find a publisher. If anyone would like to step forward as a reviewer I would be more than pleased to have as many eyes on it as possible. This is a life dream that I must accomplish!

I decided to focus my energy into a children's book because I believe that kids are natural nature lovers and if we nurture their instincts and teach them good habits we can help cultivate a green hearted generation that will eventually be the decision makers in this world. I dare to believe that our beautiful planet still stands a chance of regaining the respect it deserves and I hope my kids will be part of that movement!

Although my environmental focus has turned to educating children, I haven't completely given up on the adults! This year I became part of our Environmental Committee at work where we are making progress in establishing eco-friendly business practices and educating employees on ways they can make a difference. I started a grassroots viral campaign based of the One Small Change blog movement I took part in last year. I also organized our first "Talking Green" lunch & learn event where we are hosting speakers from Minnesota Grown to discuss the benefits of eating local and organic and the resources available for natural food. If you are interested in receiving the 30th Anniversary Edition of the Minnesota Grown Directory, you can order it for free on the website. A great listing of local farmers markets, CSA farms, garden centers, orchards and more!

So, although I decided to retire my green blog last year, my passion for the topic remains strong. I am SO excited for SPRING to be here so I can get outside more and enjoy this wonderful world! Today, the kids and I are going to head out for a little neighborhood clean up to honor our Earth - its the least we can do in exchange for all it provides us.

Have a Happy Earth Day all! Do something to make a difference today and enjoy!

Opening A Window

2011-01-04T17:51:00.010-06:00

I started off the new year in a slump. So bad that I wrote an uber depressing blog post that I have since deleted as some things are just better left undocumented. I am ready to get my spunk back and would rather shine the light on that. Life is so much more fun while focusing on the positive!

On my way home today I was listening to The Current and Mary Lucia was talking about how she sleeps with the window open even when the temps are below zero. "But don't you freeze?" she was asked. No, she responded, because the colder it gets the closer her pets snuggle up to her. I love the picture in my mind of her smooshed between her dog and cats creating their own little world of warmth within the frigid space. A perfect metaphor for my life right now. Even though I've been feeling a chill from certain areas of my life, I am leaving the window open because the people who really matter are keeping me warm with their loving spirits.

Thanks to those who love me no matter what.

With that perspective, I am looking forward to an awesome 2011. No expectations for anything particular this year. Just an openness to feeling cozy in the right now.

Christmas With Grandma

2010-12-29T21:33:00.006-06:00

We started a new tradition on Christmas this year. Well, actually, we introduced our children to an old tradition that was started by my Grandma B. back when I was a child.

Christmas in my heart will always be back at my Grandparents’. My dad was one of seven siblings, so it was a very full house with our numbers growing each year as more and more grandchildren and then great grandchildren were added to the clan. But no matter how crowded, there was always room for all – including space for anyone who didn’t have a place to go for Christmas. Everyone was welcomed as family.

I fondly remember my Grandma's expansive dinner buffet that spread across two rooms and several tables. We had to use the big lunchroom-style plates with several compartments to hold all the food, but still the styrofoam started bending with the weight of it all about halfway through the line. Among the many delicious dishes, my grandma’s famous cheesy yellow beans were always there, as were every kind of cookie and jello salad imaginable. It was a child’s dream dinner!

At the end of the table my grandma had a cup set out for each and every person on which she wrote our names in her messy hand. Deciphering which cup belonged to who was always part of the fun. But the best part was filling those cups with the sweet red drink from her beautiful punch bowl. It was the kind of punch made with Hawaiian Punch, Sprite and sherbet, with a ring of frozen fruit floating in the middle. When one ring would melt away it was quickly replaced with another that my Grandma had all ready to go in the freezer.

Oh the punch! That was not the tradition we carried over this year, but I am thinking that it needs to start next year. Every child should have punch at Christmas! And lucky me – I have my grandma’s punch bowl to serve it in. It was given to me when my Grandma’s house was sold three years ago when she could no longer live alone. When the Alzheimer’s finally got too bad. But I won’t let that nasty disease interfere with my memories of Christmas at Grandma’s...

The special tradition that we passed on to our children this year was what happened after Christmas dinner at my Grandma’s. After we had filled every room of the house for a sit-down meal at folding tables covered with table cloths, of course all of us children were drawn to the mounds of gifts stacked as tall as the tree in the corner of the living room. But, no, we had to wait. We had to earn our presents. While the adults cleaned up the dishes, we were sent away to the basement to plan our annual Christmas show. The only rule was that everyone had to participate.

Some of us came prepared with Christmas songs practiced on our clarinet or violin, but most of us collaborated on the spot and made up funny dances or holiday skits to perform together. It is the memory of that time in the basement with my cousins that I cherish most of all. It’s the kind of time that family is all about. As the mother of seven, Grandma knew what she was doing!

When the last dish was done and the final table was folded and stored away, the kids were finally called up from the basement to show off our stuff using my Grandma’s special microphone. She always sat right up front and recorded every detail. Man, I wish I had the tapes of those shows. We earned a lot of applause and even a few happy tears every year. And, of course, our gifts.

So, this year after Christmas brunch at my parents’ house, my kids didn't get to go directly to the presents. We all moved into the living room to watch my oldest daughter play Jingle Bells on the piano while the younger two shook bells and danced. It was the perfect way for them to honor the memory of their Great Grandma, who succumbed to Alzheimer’s earlier this month at the age of 85. I’m glad she was free from the disease this Christmas so she could enjoy that special performance of Jingle Bells. It was just for her.

Street Food

2010-11-05T22:14:00.009-05:00

Creamy sweet potato tacos topped with spicy black beans, steaming Indian-spiced mini donuts coated in sugar, and an icy glass bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola - lunch doesn't get better!

It was the summer of street food in downtown Minneapolis. Gourmet meals and treats cooked on propane and served out of a truck. How very big city for us!

I was first introduced to Chef Shack by my hipster friend Jenn. I was skeptical to say the least (think hot dog stand), but I trust Jenn so I trekked over to 5th and Hennepin with her and ordered my first street food. We brought it back to our desks that day so I had to email her to comment on how freaking awesome it was. The message was something to the affect of "OMG - I'm licking my fingers! Can we go back tomorrow?!"

No question I was immediately hooked. I loved the chance to escape outside over lunch, plus my usual stops just don't match up to the unique and delicious offerings of the trucks. And with the menu changing daily, there was always something new to feed my addiction.

Topping my list are Dandelion Kitchen's grilled cheese with slaw, World Street Kitchen's spicy yum yum rice bowl, and, of course, the previously mentioned sweet potato tacos and mini donuts from Chef Shack.

Oh how sad I am that Chef Shack's tweets have changed from what they are serving down the street to where they are dining in NYC (jealous!). They all closed for the season last week, aside from Dandelion Kitchen, which is sticking it out into November "weather permitting." Glad I still have the chance to try their much acclaimed pumpkin soup!

Then I guess its back to the skyways for me. But I am keeping my WSK sticker on my bulletin board as a reminder that winter in only a temporary inconvenience and there will be more yum yum to come...

Learning The Art of Being A Working Mom (A.K.A. Bring On The Reinforcements)

2010-10-24T21:32:00.004-05:00

April 1, 2010, marked the first day that our family of five had two parents who work full time outside the house. Before that point we had managed to maintain the flexibility of either me or my husband working part time and/or from home. It was grand.

When my husband started his new job after many months of unemployment it was such a blessing that the issues of scheduling and time management hardly crossed our minds - for the first couple months we were floating on joy and relief. Then summer came and we enjoyed the ease of our in-home summer nanny.

So, it really wasn't until the start of school last month when reality sank in. There are simply not enough hours in the day (and I mean this literally) to work, commute, participate in the kids activities, do homework, shop, cook, clean, do laundry, see friends, continue our hobbies, maintain our property, sleep, and - most importantly - have fun as a family. My head is spinning and my heart is yearning for a simpler life.

How do we keep this up without becoming lifeless cogs in the 9-5 machine? The joy of my family is really important to me.

I here declare that I refuse to let the insanity consume me.

So what am I going to do? I am calling in the professionals.

Yep, I am finally giving in and paying people to help me balance my life. I have never liked paying for services that I can do myself, but hell, I'm at the point that I barely can!

First up, I signed up for grocery delivery service and it is spectacular. Why did I wait until now?

Next, I am meeting with LifeShine coach Michelle Stimpson tomorrow to define one thing I can start doing differently right now to help create more balance in my life. I am very excited about this opportunity for guided motivation!

Then, on Tuesday I have the professionals from In The Pink cleaning service coming for a cleaning AND organization consultation! I am seriously going to let these people into my closets and all and help me create the organized systems that a busy family like ours needs. Yay! Plus they are going to clean the place top to bottom once a month. (Yes, there is a huge smile on my face as I write that!)

When I told my friend Jenn about all this she said "Someone's got a fire lit under her!" Yeah, I know, a lot at once. But would you really expect anything less of me?

I am all about breakdown prevention!

Now I just need to find someone I can pay to do the laundry...

Light Please Overcome The Shadows

2010-10-09T18:08:00.009-05:00

Beautiful Lindsay, my sister's beloved buddy - her soul mate that I never have been. Today we celebrated your life and grieved that this world was only granted the grace of your soul for 28 short years. Although I never knew you well, you have been an always present part of my life - my sister's other sister.

Today the room was adorned with 1,000 cranes - it was gorgeous, a reflection of you - a Chinese symbol of peace. It took many friends a full week to fold the origami birds in your honor. I think back on the 1,000 cranes you folded for my sister's wedding all on your own. The countless hours you must have spent folding the tiny papers in sheer love and dedication to your friend. Such a gift for her. You were such a gift for her.

Now, I will do what I can to fill that void.

Death always casts such a dark shadow, but the illness you suffered leading to this point makes it seem all the more unjust. Lymes Disease. How a tiny tick could lead to such suffering is so hard to understand. It is so misunderstood. More must be done to prevent this pain from others.

I mourn for your parents. The loss they have suffered is more than I can imagine. I was so proud of your Mom today. She is so proud to be your mom. You and Jennie lived too short of lives, but the impression you made in the world while you were here was very clear today.

I believe there is light beyond the shadows and the two of you are basking in it within each other's arms right now. May your souls live on in peace.

For Suz, please lean on me. I will be here for you, I promise.

Releasing

2010-10-02T19:16:00.009-05:00

It felt good to close the month of September. It is always a month of such tremendous transition for everyone as we move into fall and release our children to their professional educators for another year of school. New routines, new people, and new excitement - and lot of new stress as we adjust to it all.

To make room for the changes, I've been focusing on physically and mentally clearing the clutter.

Remember how I was trying to reduce the contents of my house by 25 percent last winter? Well, I did pretty good. All of this went out the door at the garage sale in May...

(No, I'm not a creepy hoarder, that is a picture of my garage the night before the garage sale.)

But we never made it to our bedroom while we were doing the clean out, and really that should be the most clutter free area of the house. So, I've spent a chunk of the past few weekends sorting through clothes and memorabilia and making some small decor improvements to transform our bedroom into the relaxing sanctuary it should be. It's getting close!

I also made a point to create time for some family fun and mental refreshment, a much-needed exercise during a particularly trying period at work. We spent Labor Day weekend with friends at the lake where we had a blast with the kids (wow that feels like more than a month ago!). Then mid-month my husband and I took a long weekend in Massachusetts for a belated 10-year anniversary celebration. It was oh so nice to relax together and just, well, play. One of the highlights of our trip was the Life is Good festival, which was a joy-inspiring event. I love this picture...

And here we are back in the spot we were engaged 11 years ago in Marblehead.

While vacationing, I had the opportunity to evaluate everything filling my mind so I could release anything unnecessary (believe me, I tend to carry a lot of extra stuff in there). One of the things I decided to let go is my Family Goes Green blog. I have not maintained it and I am obsessive enough to allow a stagnant blog to be a source of stress. Its not that I don't still have passion for the topic, its that we are simply living the experience and I guess I just don't have a lot to say about it - as I'm sure you can feel if you've read it, my writing has felt forced and uninspired. I figure if I'm not benefiting from it and nobody else is benefiting from it, why keep it?! So farewell to my well-intentioned blog. I will keep your spirit alive on these pages.

Here's to a wonderful school year in which we can all find room for the joy amidst our busy routines.

Nature is So Cool

2010-08-25T06:48:00.002-05:00

Sometimes Mother Nature just grabs me by the arm and reminds me to slow down. Relax. Enjoy.

A Beauty-Full Day To Be Jen!

2010-08-12T20:59:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Liv at Choosing Beauty for the love today in your sweet post, Choosing To Give It Up For Jen!

Choosing Beauty is an inspiring celebration every day. I recommend that everyone takes a daily break for a little dose of beauty from Liv!

Billboards, Bikers & Adult Entertainment: Memories From The Road

2010-08-08T13:32:00.010-05:00

We just returned from a family vacation to South Dakota. "The Great American Road Trip" they call it and it definitely is - we counted license plates from 38 states in the Mount Rushmore parking lot alone!

We had so many great experiences on this trip (and a few moments I'd like to forget), but it is funny how looking back on a meticulously planned trip, some of the things that brought us the most enjoyment were things that never would have occurred to me in advance - and if I would have thought of them they would have been on the list to surely avoid.

On our first day of travel we made it six hours down I-90 into Chamberlain, SD. Soon after crossing the border my husband and I dubbed the state “the land of 10,000 billboards.” At first it was a term of annoyance. How unfortunate the beautiful scenery is mucked up with so many signs. But after a few hundred miles we realized that farmland gets fairly boring to look at after a while and, well, the billboards are actually kind of brilliant. We used them to play the alphabet game, we counted the Wall Drug signs, and we guessed the age of the signs (some clearly not replaced since my first trip to SD as a child). We got ideas of places to go and we got really excited each time we saw a sign about one of the attractions on our agenda. The billboards definitely became our friends and we missed them on the way home.

When not looking at the billboards, we were usually watching the bikers. Little did we know that we had planned our vacation to intersect with the annual Sturgis rally. Our first realization of this fact was a bit concerning. Would it mean huge crowds? Lots of noise? Slow traffic? Would our son grow up to be a biker inspired by this very trip?! I can’t comment on the last question yet, but if it happens to be the case I am no longer concerned after spending a week in the presence of so many pleasant Harley folk. The kids loved watching the hundreds of bikers and my husband and I enjoyed guessing what types of corporate jobs they were escaping from for their week in Sturgis. And they were the first people to smile and offer to take a family picture. In all honestly, if we wouldn’t have had the kids with us, we would have probably ended up in Sturgis by the end of the week the culture looked so fun!

And then there was the adult entertainment (not related to Sturgis, I will note). We had some good laughs over the most inappropriate things. After hours of seeing signs promoting the “adult superstore” Sugar Shack, it turned out to be across the parking lot from our hotel in Chamberlain. Classic. And then when we finally made it to our hotel in Rapid City, our three year old ordered a porn flick while we were carrying in the luggage. Luckily his sister knew enough to turn it off a couple minutes into it (who knows what they saw!) and to tell us so we could promptly activate the parental controls on the TV. Fortunately the hotel was nice enough to credit the $16.95 back to our room. That incident was too funny coupled our discovery that our Rapid City hotel hosted adult-only bikini parties at the pool after hours. And we thought by staying at a water park we were guaranteed a nice family setting – ha!

And so, between the national parks and monuments, we had a lot of great moments that we never could have planned – the things that are often forgotten, but I don’t want to – this is what it’s all about! Oh, and this...

My Cocktail Garden

2010-08-01T18:19:00.004-05:00

For my 35th birthday last year my friend Laura gave me one of the coolest gifts ever - a cocktail garden. The beautiful pot was bursting with mint, basil and lemongrass with colorful swizzle sticks stuck among the plants. The gift also included a small hand-made book of cocktail recipes, each calling for one of the herbs. What a fun and thoughtful gift! I really wish I had taken a picture.

I guess more important than a picture is that I really enjoyed the gift long after my birthday. It inspired me to use my herb garden in ways I hadn't thought of. This year I planted more of the herbs she gave me and I have been using them more than ever before. Especially the mint. This has been the summer of the mojito and my house! Even the kids are loving them (virgin, of course). Every time I have one I think of Laura and her awesome gift.

Thank you, dear, for sharing your creativity and generosity with me. Cheers to you!

Learning in The Garden

2010-07-28T21:13:00.003-05:00

Transferred from my "green" blog upon its closure - one of two posts I saved because it is filled with special memories : )

This summer we made our first serious attempt at vegetable gardening - well actually there is nothing serious about it - it is all fun!

We started in May when we had the privilege of hosting our daughter’s Brownie troop at our house. We got to pick the activities for the meeting, so we decided on a healthy garden theme. The girls painted terracotta pots and planted sunflower, basil, bean and tomato seeds in peat pots.

We talked about how to care for the seedlings and asked the girls to report back on the progress of the plants. We ended the meeting with a snack of locally grown fruits and vegetables and we discussed nutrition – it was really fun to see the girls’ interest in the topic – and we loved that there was no disappointment shown over our healthy snack choice!

Sure enough the seedlings took off, so we decided they needed a home. We constructed a small raised bed where we planted the seedlings as well as some strawberry plants, tomato plants, and bean and carrot seeds. We have let the kids manage most of the garden care, which has been an awesome and rewarding learning experience for all of us.

And now we are on to the harvest! There is something fresh and ready for us every day - we check on our veggies first thing when we get home. We are already planning for a major garden expansion next year. We still have a lot to learn - like better spacing our plants and mulching around them - but we have found that we definitely belong in the garden.

Nurturing My Middle's Heart

2010-07-28T20:00:00.009-05:00

Yesterday I ordered a book titled, Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach.

It makes me feel bad to admit that because by choosing the title I am classifying my daughter as "difficult." It is also a bit embarrassing to confess that I need help parenting my own child. But I guess I have to let all that go and instead feel proud that I am taking steps towards transformation. And I like the sound of "the nurtured heart approach."

Funny that I am struggling with my daughter being that she reminds me so much of myself. We are both middle children. She is, like I was, extremely quiet at school and an angel when she is visiting a friend's house - but the true child comes out at home.

I was constantly pushing my siblings to the limit. I used to sit pleasantly at family dinners with an innocent smile on my face while under the table I was giving my brother intense snake bites on his arm.

Although I don't remember this particular moment, my younger sister gives accounts of when I babysat her and made her play jail, which included locking her in the back hall and only allowing her bread and water.

My mom even admits the story of one time when she was vacuuming the stairs and I came up behind her. Over her shoulder she asked, "what honey?" And I said, "no, it's me Jenny." I was so accustomed to being in trouble that I assumed she had mistaken me for my brother to call me honey. She was crushed when she realized my assumption and remembers this as a defining moment as a parent.

So now I wear her shoes.

Last night we went to see the movie Ramona and Beezus. I brought my girls with no expectations of adult enjoyment but ended up in tender tears. The dad character was inspiring to me in the way he handled the antics of the rambunctious middle child Ramona. It definitely appeared to be the nurtured heart approach.

I am looking forward to my Amazon package!

A Year of Living Lovely

2010-07-17T22:39:00.003-05:00

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

If you are a Rent fan, you are surely singing along by now...

Seasons of Love is one of my all-time favorite songs. It immediately came to mind when I realized that it’s been a year since I started my little blog. It is so interesting to look back and see how my most recent 525,600 minutes are reflected on these pages. It was a pretty eventful and emotional year.

I have to admit, I’ve never stuck with any blog or journal for this long, so it is really fun to have this collection of thoughts and memories in one place. It confirms for me the value of this writing, even if nobody reads it but me and even if I'm not terribly consistent about it. Here’s how my year was summed up in tags:

aluminum, be the change you want to see in the world, benign, bickering kids, black bears, blessings overload, Blue Zone, Bob Mould, BPA, budget, busy mom, BWCA, cancer, cardio challenge, cats, children, Children's Theatre Company, Christmas cookies, Click Clack Moo, Club2030, clutter, Committed, dating your spouse, depression, disposable utencils, Earth Day, eat local and organic, eat organic, economy, endorphins, environment, exercise, Family Goes Green, family time, family wellness, Fanfarlo, farmers market, fear, Feng Shui, financial stress, First Ave, fitness, Food Inc., Food Pyramid, friends, gardening, generations, grandma, grandparents, gratitude, happiness, health care war, healthy eating, holiday cards, holiday lights, household organization, intention, is plastic safe?, Jason Mraz, job loss, keeping up with the Joneses, kids dishes by Duralex, Klean Kanteen, layoffs, light therapy, Lily Allen, live lovely, love each day, lovely life, marriage with intention, Mason Jennings, meal planning, medicine of the mind, memories, Minnesota winter, money, Mother's Day, motherhood, music, my style of blogging, new job, nurturing those I love, nutrition, One Phone Call From Our Knees, One Small Change, optimism, Organized Audrey, pets reduce stress, Phipps Theater, photos, pictures, plants, play, positive energy, reuse, Rock the Cradle, roller coasters, rotating toys, Sarah's Key, save money, save the planet, seasons, soul food, speed of time, spring, Stages Theater Company, stay-home dad, stitching, surgery, tears, tempered glass dishes, Ten Thousand Villiages, Thankgiving, The Book Thief, The Current, The Dead, The Secret Garden, the tumor, The Year of Magical Thinking, therapy, tight budget, Twin Cities arts scene, U2, unemployment, video games, waiting, Walker Art Center Free First Saturdays, water conservation, working mom, writing as an art

I’m doing my best to measure in love.

Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow

2010-07-11T18:47:00.006-05:00

I just finished a re-read of the classic The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Always a pleasant summer read of restoration, love, and the sheer beauty of nature.

The final chapter includes my favorite line "Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow." There is no better metaphor for relationships and parenting. A good reminder to slow down and nurture those I love - and the garden is the perfect setting.

This year I am simply letting my perennials enjoy the sun and rain while I focus my attention on establishing a new produce garden with the kids and tending to my herb pots, as well as a few other garden expansion projects we're attempting. A few happy shots from our summer home...

The Beauty of No Time

2010-07-05T21:18:00.005-05:00

We had one of those wonderful weekends when nothing was controlled by the clock.

We woke up when the kids got us.

We ate when we were hungry.

We drank wine when we felt like it.

We rested when we were tired.

We laughed a lot.

We rested some more.

We played.

It was happiness.

Thank you Dagmar, Dale, Mary Ellen and Carl. I think I forgot what that feels like.

Do I Sense Some Criticism Here?

2010-06-13T20:00:00.003-05:00

I have taken to a strange sort of blogging. I don’t update very often and when I do it seems that I am usually posting a thought I had a week ago and just haven’t gotten around to typing yet. Reason: I’m really busy lately – uncomfortably so, and when I do have free time I am outside enjoying summer. Anyway, it got me thinking about if what I am doing actually fits the definition of blogging anymore, so I looked up the word online and came across this entry in the Slang Dictionary:

blog n. A type of online diary that someone makes available to other people on the internet. (A very popular way to communicate one's personal details without any social interaction.) : John started a weblog so that other people could read about what he eats for breakfast. , I deleted my blog, since it was too silly.
Dictionary of American Slang and Colloquial Expressions by Richard A. Spears.Fourth Edition.
Copyright 2007. Published by McGraw Hill.

Any question on what the author thinks about bloggers? I choose to believe that blogging and social media actually enhance my social interaction, as my personal connections are often limited by my busy schedule. I would love to be sitting down to dinner regularly with friends and family discussing these topics, but at this point in my life that just isn’t possible. So, I think of it as a supplement rather than a substitute. Thoughts?

Sarah's Key

2010-06-01T21:04:00.009-05:00

My book time is the one huge benefit of spending almost two hours each day commuting. I have enjoyed so many interesting, thought-provoking, and emotional books over the years, but only rarely do I come across one that truly moves me.

That is the case with Sarah's Key, by Tatiana de Rosnay. It has been almost a month since I finished this book and it is still a fixture in my mind.

Sarah's Key is a work of historical fiction set in 1942 during the German occupation of France. It shares the true hidden story of the French government willingly sending many thousands of French Jewish people - including children - to their deaths at Auschwitz. As you follow the path of one such family in the book, the reality of this piece of history seems almost unimaginable. It's the recent past that we would all like to pretend didn't happen.

de Rosnay makes this tragic tale bearable by inserting a delicious modern day story in alternating chapters. Oh, and the Bertrand character - I used to date his clone. An oh-so-perfectly written French man...

This book is completely heart wrenching and wonderful. A must read. Please do. If you read it (or have read it already), let me know what you think. I love discussing books almost as much as reading them!

Stitching Generations Together

2010-05-10T18:12:00.005-05:00

My grandma has always been talented in embroidery. Her fine needlework has graced everything from pillows to table coverings to quilts, but she is most famous for her dish towels - each one a perfect work of art.

Unfortunately the Arthritis in her fingers has forced her to stop stitching over the past couple years. Her basket still sits by her chair, but it is rarely touched.

Yesterday when we were getting ready to visit my grandma on Mother's Day, I saw my six-year-old daughter packing a bag of embroidery floss to bring along. I asked what it was for and she said she wanted great grandma to teach her.

What a brilliant idea! Why had I never thought of that?

At my grandma's my daughter drew her own pattern on the cloth and they talked through the steps. My mom and my husband helped her get started, making it a special moment for all.

My daughter carefully worked on her stitching through the afternoon while we enjoyed the sunshine in my grandma’s garden. Just before it was time to head home I was presented with the completed gift.

Their multi-generational bonding, the sharing of my grandma’s craft, and my daughter’s diligent handiwork came together to create one simple, yet magnificent word: LOVE.

Much love and happiness to all mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends throughout the year!

Decluttering Feng Shui Style

2010-04-30T22:15:00.003-05:00

It is two weeks until the garage sale, my deadline for getting my house decluttered. I'll be honest - for the last few months I've done nothing. I'm in major need of motivation, so it is perfect that I happened to come across this unpublished piece I wrote back in January - it is just what I need to get back in purging mode...

My friend Amy has transformed her life by embracing Buddhism and Feng Shui. She suggested starting the new year with the Feng Shui practice of eliminating nine things a day for nine days to make room for new positive energy in your life.

It is also common Feng Shui practice to acknowledge and appreciate the purpose an item served in your life when you let it go, hence the list that follows.

4 baby blankets given to a friend with a new baby boy - I remember cuddling my little guy in these blankets and how soft and warm they were for both of us.

10 baby outfits given to a family member with a baby boy - my boy brought life to each of these outfits for such a short time before growing too big, it's wonderful that someone else can wear them now.

1 dead Christmas tree - for one month in our house it provided a focal point for a very joyful season.

1 broken vacuum - the first vacuum we bought as a couple, helped us keep the carpets clean in our very first home. Why it's stayed in the closet for years I just don't know.

10 outfits I no longer wear - I remember the phases of my life when I chose each outfit. How spoiled I am to have clothes designed as much for fashion as function.

5 broken Barbie dolls - broken because of many hours of play from my girls - possibly the hardest things to let go because they still "love" the dolls even with the missing arms, legs or head.

1 bag of random toy pieces - ugh - I hope they provided some fun for my kids at one point. I mostly just remember them as being scattered around the house where they didn't belong.

3 bags of store returns - Not Christmas gifts I got, rather gifts I purchased but then decided to give something else instead. These gave me peace of mind that I at least had *something* if the perfect thing never came along.

1 electric clothes drying rack - this was a Christmas gift and it is a good reminder of who I don't want to become. Excess is what I am trying to get rid of and electricity is what I am trying not to waste.

1 pizza cooker - Another gift that falls in the same category as that last. My oven works just fine and we just really don't need to be eating that much pizza.

3 games with missing pieces - These missing pieces may actually be in the bag of junk noted above, but not worth the search. Fun at the time, but just taking up space now.

1 stack of old magazines - I love to read and surely got pleasure from these pages. But recycling them felt so good because hording things like magazines is definitely one of my pack rat issues.

1 bag of plastic dishes - Many meals were served to my kids on these - hopefully not too many chemicals were served at the same time.

2 coats - A warm coat on a cold day is worth so much. I'm glad I had these to wear and I hope they will provide comfort to someone else now.

5 pairs of worn out shoes - These served me well as I wore them to the ground! Not even in condition to donate. I like that.

That did feel good! I now welcome the positive energy (and the organized house).

Misti's Story

2010-04-27T21:18:00.001-05:00

Transferred from my "green" blog upon its closure - one of two posts I saved because it is filled with special memories : )

This morning I was sent a chain email warning pet owners about cocoa mulch and the potential toxicity to animals. I never know how much to believe those emails, but scary nonetheless. Immediately it made me think of my little Misti. How I miss that girl.

Misti entered my life Thanksgiving weekend 1996. She was a tiny little ball of black fur. So nervous, but sweet as can be. She was a year old when I adopted her.

It took a couple weeks of transition, but soon Misti and my older cat, Cody, were the best of friends. They would lay together on the couch, bodies entwined, licking each other's fur - it was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. At the time I was single and lived in an apartment. Those cats were my family.

Our lives changed a lot over the next few years. We moved twice, gained my husband, and welcomed a couple of kids. It wasn't until we moved to our current house in 2002 that the cats started to explore the outdoors sometimes. They loved our wooded lot and all the birds, bugs and chipmunks that came with it. It just felt natural for them to be running around out there.

This story really begins in July of 2005. One sunny afternoon the cats went out to play, but Misti didn't come back. With her nervous tendencies, she was normally the one who hung close to home, so we were immediately worried. We combed the woods and walked the neighborhood calling her name and whistling, but she didn't come.

I went to bed that night feeling sad and lost. I felt like it was my fault for letting her be outside. Then, about midnight my husband woke me to let me know that she had come home. I rushed downstairs to see her, so excited, but right away I knew something was wrong. She didn't seem to respond to me normally and her eyes looked really strange. But it had been extremely hot that day, so we thought maybe she was disoriented because of the heat.

The next morning, Friday, she seemed like herself again. She still wasn't eating normally, but she looked like herself and was reacting to us the way she usually did. We were overjoyed. We resumed our normal patterns.

Saturday, July 15, was our fifth wedding anniversary. We spent the day at a family event and came home late afternoon to get ready for our date night. When I opened the door from the garage to the house, Misti was laying there like she was waiting for us. Her fur was covered with dried blood.

Crying (as I am as I write this), I carried her into the house where I saw trails of bloody vomit everywhere.

The next 24 were spent at the emergency vet where they tried to help her, but one by one her organs were shutting down. It was too late. Misti had been poisoned and the toxins had already spread throughout her body.

The vet suggested it was likely De Con, which someone probably put out to prevent rodents. I didn't even know what De Con was - they had to explain to me. But, I guess we'll never know for sure what happened.

Sunday night I cuddled her and said my goodbyes. I sang her song, "Oh Misti, you're so fine..." My husband held her in his arms when they inserted the needle and she went to sleep.

If we would have brought her in when she came home that first night the story may have had a happier ending. We just truly never even thought of anything like poisoning. It never even occurred to us.

I'm sharing this story in hopes that it could possibly help prevent another family from losing a pet - or worse. Skip the poisons, people. Please!

One Small Change: Every Day Is Earth Day

2010-04-23T20:25:00.009-05:00

I have been writing this in my head for a couple days and I intended to post it on Earth Day - but it's okay that I'm a bit late, actually its quite well suited for the title.

It's been a while since I've made an appearance here and there's a couple reasons for that: its been an incredibly busy month for our family and, at the same time, the biggest issue that I've had on my mind is one that I haven't known how to approach in writing - my daughter's health.

I have decided not to go into detail about that here, for her privacy, but know that she is okay. It's just that for the first time since becoming parents we are finally understanding just how seriously our children's health is in our hands.

So what does all this have to do with One Small Change? Well, I believe (know) there is a very direct correlation between nature and health and its about time that I do a better job of helping my family's lifestyle reflect that in everything we do.

Plus, our family has felt good about the small changes that we've made recently and we don't want to end our progress with the conclusion of One Small Change this month.

So...drum roll please...we just launched a new family blog called Family Goes Green where we will document our journey of progress in nuturing both the health of our family and this fine planet we call home. Please join us when you can - we will appreciate all the support we can get.

I am filled with hope and this beautiful spring is providing plenty of inspiration...

(I took both of these pictures with my phone - not bad, huh?!)

Sidewalk Chalk

2010-03-25T20:19:00.007-05:00

At our house sidewalk chalk is the first rite of spring.
And I know this is just a few brief weeks away...

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
- Bertrand Russell

For My Mental Health

2010-03-23T20:25:00.007-05:00

I hate politics. Not because I don't care, but because if I allow myself to engage too much I could spend my life in constant heated debate, which just really wouldn't be fun at all.

But I'm having a hard time sitting back and observing this "health care war." I am probably what they would call a bleeding-heart Democrat. And I don't agree with all of the provisions in the bill that was just signed to law. But both points aside, I truly believe this is positive progress for our country and I am appalled by some of the idiocy this has brought public.

Yesterday I had to practically sit on my hands to prevent responses to some of the posts in my facebook feed. Just so I can let it go, I'm going to post here a few of the responses I wanted to write. Hopefully then I can relax. Although I don't think it will help me feel less sad. The greed and hatred in this world make me scared for the future.

FB: Wait, why do I have a sinking feeling we aren't an "average/typical" family?? And, why do I have a feeling we have the "cadillac" plan (and trust me - it SO is not!)

I feel very sorry for you if you do not realize how above average your life is. You live in a gorgeous home in a wealthy suburb and send your children to an exclusive private school. You are privileged to go on multiple vacations every year. You have two nice cars and every electronic gadget known to man. And, much more importantly than any of that, you are healthy! I know you gave a bag of food to the poor at Thanksgiving because you told us all about it on facebook, but maybe its time to really look past the golf course in front of your house - there's a big bad world of true suffering out there that fortunate people like you could really help. But, since this is all about you, let me point out that although this legislation may not help you directly, in the long run the collective benefit to society could lead to a more stable economy, which in the end could actually mean even more money for you. I hope that helps you feel better.

FB: [Name] thinks it is ironic that today, in history, the British Government passed the Stamp Act, which was the final straw to send the Colonies towards the Revolution. As I sit in the city where everyone signed the Declaration of Independence, I think the Founders wouldn't recognize our country today.

While you are on your business trip in New York I suggest you swing by the Statue of Liberty and read the words engraved at her base: "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

FB: I love this quote: "So we just passed a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he didn't understand it, passed by a Congress that exempts themselves from it, signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and..... financed by a country that's broke?"

I'm sorry, but I really have to unfriend you. If you love that quote than I'm guessing we just don't have anything in common.

Sorry people, I just had to let it out.

The Roller Coaster

2010-03-17T13:38:00.010-05:00

We have been on quite the roller coaster this past year. Our stomachs were filled with butterflies on the long, slow climb; then they tanked as we dropped in what felt like a free fall. Now, we are screaming with glee extending our arms to the sky!

Just one week after hearing the joyous news that my tumor was benign, my husband accepted a job today ending eight months of unemployment. YEEEEAAHHH!!!

I have always been the type of person who feels emotion very deeply. I'm sure some call it dramatic. I prefer passionate. Either way, this ride has taken me to every end of the spectrum. I am ready to get off and just chill for a while.

By the way, I do love roller coasters. The best ever is the Aerosmith Rockin' Roller Coaster at Hollywood Studios in Disney World. It's worth a visit...

On The Gift Of Motherhood

2010-03-13T22:12:00.012-06:00

As I lay in bed recovering from my recent surgery, I've had more than my share of time to ponder life. As always, my children have positioned themselves in the front of my mind. This whole situation has really made me think about how precious life is and how blessed I am to have these little people in my care.

My eldest daughter turned eight last week, which is just unbelievable to me. I thought by the time I had a child this age I would have figured out the whole motherhood thing. Not so. Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in day-to-day life that I don't even notice that time is passing by until something stops us in our tracks.

Watching my daughter become her own person is a truly surreal experience. I can't keep up with how quickly she is learning and growing each day. Just before her birthday we found out that she is invited to do a reading in church at her first communion service - in front of a congregation of hundreds. What an amazing experience for my shy little girl. My little girl! I just can't believe it. I am trying not to make her nervous - I am so nervous for her!

She is such a part of me that sometimes I struggle to separate her experiences from my own. I guess I just need to accept that feeling, because I'm pretty sure it never ends. I saw it in my mom's eyes when she sat next to my hospital bed this week. At 35, I'm still her little girl.

All of these feelings about watching my kids become, well, themselves, are beautifully captured in one of my favorite songs. These lyrics never fail to touch me:

well your children will not be your children
they are the daughters, the sons of a beginning
they'll come through your womb but not be coming from you
they will be with you, but they do not belong to you
you can give them your love but not your thoughts
cause they'll arrive with their own hearts
they're the coming of angels this blessed season
and then they'll sing oh yea god rests in reason

- from God Rests in Reason by Jason Mraz

Hmmm... I have another full week in bed ahead of me. I'll either be a lot more clear or more crazy by next Sunday! At least I know that this one week will go slowly and will be filled with lots of hugs. What a gift!

I'm closing with a picture of three-generations of girls taken a couple years ago at my mom's 60th birthday party. Seems fitting with my thoughts tonight. Again, all I can say is what a gift!

One Small Change: Plants

2010-03-03T20:04:00.007-06:00

My focus lately has been on health and home, so my One Small Change for March is filling my home with plants. By the end of the month I plan to have at least as many plants as rooms.

Although this change may sound more like a plan to spiff up my house, there are plenty of other benefits. Most importantly, plants help clean the air we breathe by absorbing toxins and providing oxygen - so important with all the pollutants in our environment (duh). Plants have also been proven to reduce stress, which is exactly what I need right now.

Plus, I really just miss the energy of having plants around. I used to have a home filled with plants and I slowly let them go when my kids were babies because I was worried about them eating them and such. Now I feel like I robbed my poor kids by removing the plants!

While I create my botanical household, I will also continue with my changes from January and February - conserving water and reducing disposables. It has been pleasing to see how quickly these changes have become habit, which motivates me to continue making positive changes long after the "official" One Small Change movement has closed.

Ten Thousand Villages

2010-02-28T21:50:00.005-06:00

In case you are like me and haven't heard of this place, I have to share my most recent exciting find - Ten Thousand Villages, an amazing store on Grand Avenue in St. Paul (across from Cafe Latte in the mall by Bread and Chocolate). The non-profit store sells handmade gifts, jewelry, decor, art and more for extremely reasonable prices. I was going nuts over the pottery, textiles, necklaces and instruments!

But what's really cool is that the company is one of the world's largest fair trade organizations and a founding member of the World Fair Trade Organization. Here's what I learned on the Ten Thousand Villages website:

The company strives to improve the livelihood of tens of thousands of disadvantaged artisans in 38 countries. Ten Thousand Villages accomplishes this by establishing a sustainable market for handmade products in North America, and building long term buying relationships in places where skilled artisan partners lack opportunities for stable income. Product sales help pay for food, education, healthcare and housing for artisans who would otherwise be unemployed or underemployed.

How great is that?! This is my new favorite store and where I will be buying all my gifts going forward for my lucky friends and family. Too good not to share...

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

2010-02-24T20:38:00.004-06:00

My surgery is scheduled for March 10. Five weeks after the ultrasound where they discovered the orange-sized complex tumor on my ovary. If the tumor doesn't kill me, I'm afraid the waiting might.

People keep telling me I should be happy the doctors aren't rushing it - it means they aren't worried. I see the point, and many recent signs have been positive, but still - we don't know what this is until we get it out.

Others tell me just to put my trust in the doctors and God. But it's hard to trust the doctors when the first one who felt this growth thought it was a fibroid in my uterus and wanted to feel it again next year. The ultrasound was by my demand. And God, well, last time I checked he wasn't offering up any cure for cancer.

I hate to complain, but this waiting room is a cold, dark and lonely place. I'm trying to pass the time with pleasant things like good music (check out Fanfarlo) and books (LOVED The Book Thief), but the clock on the wall keeps distracting me with its loud, slow tick.

I sure hope my patience is rewarded with good news. In the end, I guess I can only hope that the waiting is the hardest part.

Marriage with Intention

2010-02-17T19:20:00.012-06:00

In my previous post about my lack of attention to my marriage last year, I mentioned that I planned to read Elizabeth Gilbert's new book, Committed. Well, I just finished it and frankly kind of wish I would have devoted the time to my marriage instead (I was reminded of how when reading Eat, Pray, Love I grew terribly tired of Gilbert's company somewhere in India). Still, I read Committed cover to cover because I had a hunch that Gilbert wouldn't break her trend of happy endings and, in that regard, she did not fail me.

I completed the book with one dog-eared page that may have made the whole book worth my time. Funny enough, the passage that spoke to me was a quote from another author:

The poet Jack Gilbert...wrote that marriage is what happens "between the memorable." He said that we often look back on our marriages years later, perhaps after one spouse has died, and all we can recall are "the vacations and emergencies" - the high points and low points. The rest of it blends into a blurry sort of daily sameness. But it is that very blurred sameness, the poet argues, that comprises marriage. Marriage is those two thousand indistinguishable breakfasts, where intimacy turns like a slow wheel. How do you measure the worth of becoming that familiar to somebody - so utterly well known and so thoroughly ever-present that you become an almost invisible necessity, like air?

I love the comfort of that passage and I truly feel that in my own marriage, so maybe I was thinking of it all wrong. Last year wasn't easy with my husband's job loss and all, but in the end it all bonds us closer together and strengthens the intimacy between us.

Still, I am and always have been an adventure seeker, so a little excitement in my marriage is never a bad thing. So, I was thrilled that Feng Shui consultant Ann Drew Yu focused her February newsletter on this very topic. Here's the formula that Ann and her husband are using to bring "the butterfly feeling" back into their dates:

Manageable: Once-a-month

Unpredictable: The date activity has to be new - something you've never done.

Surprise element: You can't reveal the plans for the date to the other until you're pulling out of the driveway.

Taboo: No talking kids or finances allowed. Period.

Dress code: It's a date. Dress like it.

Shared responsibility: Alternate who's in charge. The person in charge also manages kid coverage.

I like it! Somewhere in between Jack Gilbert's definition of marriage and Ann Drew Yu's formula for butterflies, I think I know where happiness for me and my husband lies. It's always right there - we just need to be intentional about it.

Of course, this whole recent situation with my health helps put it all in perspective as well. My honey will be there holding my hand at the oncologist tomorrow and hopefully we'll be celebrating together after a successful surgery very soon. I hope I'm not in the infirmary too long, because I can't wait to see what he'll plan for our first mystery date!

Love Each Day

2010-02-12T14:12:00.013-06:00

Nothing puts life into perspective like the word cancer.

Yesterday, about 4:30, I was at work trying to wrap things up before catching the 5:00 bus so I could run to a meeting to plan t-shirts for an event at the girls' school. My cell phone rang (it never rings) - it was a number I didn't recognize. To the best of my shock-blurred memory, here's how the conversation went...

Me: Hi, this is Jen.

Doc: Um, hi Jen, this is Dr. Nagel calling. Um, remember when I did your pelvic exam and thought that your uterus felt enlarged? Well, after looking at the ultrasound, it looks like I was wrong. What I actually was feeling was a mass on your ovary.

Me (completely stunned): I can't believe it took you a week to call me about this. I had already written it off as no-news-is-good-news.

Doc: Well, it takes a couple days to read the ultrasound and then it goes to my inbox and I was out... Anyway, we need to take out that ovary right away. We need to schedule surgery. The mass is solid and it is not fibroidal.

Me: So you think I have ovarian cancer?

Doc: Well [long pause] we don't know anything yet. There are other things it could be. There is no fluid in your pelvis, so that's good. But we need to get it out right away. I will have someone call you to set up surgery. Actually, you know, maybe we should have an oncologist do the surgery so we don't have to open you up twice if we need to test your lymph nodes and such as well. Do you want me to have an oncologist do the surgery?

Me: I don't know. I need you to tell me what I need to do.

Doc: I'm going to refer you to the oncologist. I think they should do the surgery.

Me: I'm freaking out.

Doc: Don't worry. Someone will call you tomorrow to schedule. Don't worry.

Me: Ok, thank you. Good bye.

Then I fell apart. I cried and feared the worst right there at work where five minutes before I had been stressing about a tight deadline for a web project and joking with my boss about the firehose of work that seems to be hitting our office lately.

Here's where my mind went: when I used to spend my time worrying about illness and death, my fear was always that I would have my life cut short and miss out on something. But now I have everything that I ever really wanted and all I can think is that I don't want my kids to miss out on having a mom.

So, I have an appointment with a gyn oncologist at the U of M next week. I don't know the verdict on the big bad C word yet, so I just need to hold out hope. But its funny how quick my priorities have shifted into order.

I feel very blessed to have a waterpark overnight planned with the family this weekend. I can't think of anything better than 24 hours straight of kid smiles.

I guarantee not a minute of the time before my appointment will go unappreciated. And I intend to enjoy many millions of minutes more after that...

One Small Change: Disposable Utencils

2010-02-03T21:52:00.009-06:00

It is time to return to The One Small Change project for month number two. First, my follow up on my January change - turning off the water when I brush my teeth. This was no problem at all. To my delight (and personal horror) I discovered that I was the only person with this bad practice in my family. Hey, at least I taught my kids right! But, I think I can comfortably say that I have easily turned this change into a habit for myself as well.

Teeth brushing aside, the first month of One Small Change was very eye opening for me. Through reading the posts of other bloggers I realized just how much room for improvement my family still has. It has also made be sadly aware of how many others seem to not be concerned at all.

One of the areas where I am most bothered is at the office. The wasted paper and use of disposables is beyond the point of crazy. It seems to be the way of downtown and it is sickening.

I've been trying to do my part long before One Small Change by always using glass coffee mugs, my water bottle and a glass plate for my food and drink. But I somehow was blind to the fact that I was still using plastic utencils.

A little rough math revealed that I have used about 3,000 plastic forks in my career. Yikes!!

So, there's my change for February. I brought in my set of silverware which I will use going forward.

This will be simple when I bring my food from home, which I am trying to do more often. The harder part will be remembering to tell the restaurants that I don't need a fork when I get take-out. I think I'll have to keep it out on my desk for a while so I think of it before I head out to grab lunch.

I will keep you posted on change number two.

What will your change be this month? I'd love to hear...

Bear Stories

2010-01-28T18:53:00.017-06:00

Last night I was in the woods. It was getting dark and I was stumbling through the thick brush, tripping with every third step. I could hear my own voice screaming repeatedly, “Andrea, Andrea…” No response. After covering what felt like many miles, I came to a small clearing and saw her. She was face down in the water, lifeless.

I was shaking with tears on my face when I woke. Clearly the dream was a flashback to my Boundary Waters trip, with a very freaky new ending. I texted Andrea this morning to make sure she was fine (I was still a little shaken) and her response was, “I would rather drown than be eaten by a bear…could have been worse.” I chuckled. Oh, the memories...

Andrea and I made our first trip to the BWCA last summer, which climaxed with us standing face to face with a black bear in our camp site. Actually, it went downhill from there, but that was definitely the most memorable part of the experience. For a hilarious play-by-play of our crazy adventure, jump over to Andrea’s blog www.midwestmaineac.blogspot.com/ and start with Boundary Waters, Day 1 (the story is told in five posts).

Funny enough, just as I was finishing my text exchange with Andrea this morning, a work friend stopped by my desk and happened to notice the small rubber black bear that sits by my computer (a gift from Andrea). She asked me if I was following Lily the Bear online.

I had no idea that a black bear from Ely, Minnesota (our BWCA entry point) is an Internet celebrity. Thousands of people are following Lily and her new cub through the web cam in their den, featured on the North American Bear Center’s website. They are even selling I ♥ Lily t-shirts!

I admit, Lily looks pretty cute on the web cam. She is part of the Bear Center's mission to provide balanced and factual information about bears. They state that "attacks are rare and excessive warnings about them create unnecessary fear."

We knew that before we went to the Boundary Waters. Andrea actually has a bear expert in her family who has studied black bears for years. When I mentioned my concern about bears before we went, Andrea assured me that there really was nothing to fear.

That knowledge was meaningless to us when the only thing separating us and an (estimated) 300-pound bear was a food bag. I have never felt that afraid in my life.

I wonder what would have happened if we wouldn't have fled to our canoe. Would the bear have simply ignored us and gone about the business of eating our food? Would he have run away? We weren't about to volunteer for that experiment.

In hindsight, it was an amazing experience seeing a wild bear that close, and watching Lily brings me back to that day on Disappointment Lake with a smile on my face. But still, I hope the web cam view is as close as I ever get to a bear again. The nightmares are real enough.

My Rockin' City

2010-01-25T20:04:00.018-06:00

To the outside world, the Twin Cities probably looked like a pretty miserable place to live this weekend. Nothing but cold, gray rain.

Day one of the ick was the perfect excuse to hide in the blankets by the fire and watch a flick with my honey and my kids.

Day two I relied on my winter survival strategy - we escaped to the fifth-annual Rock The Cradle event, hosted by The Current. If you aren't familiar with The Current, you have to check it out (you can stream live on the web from anywhere). It is the Twin Cities' unique public radio station that plays awesome local and indie rock along with some classic favorites. Once you switch to The Current, commercial radio is never the same.

The event brought together thousands of families at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts and the Children's Theatre Company for a disco dance party, musical instrument petting zoo, hands-on art creation, puppetry, live performances and more.

At first we were all a little overwhelmed by the huge crowd, but it soon dispersed some - plus we realized that the museum exhibits served as a wonderful meditative zone between the organized activities.

My daughters especially loved getting to try out a variety of string and percussion instruments, which were provided by the MacPhail Center For Music. I think the highlight for me was identifying all the animals in a huge clay Noah's Ark with my two-year-old son. His only disappointment was that we couldn't bring it home.

The day turned out to be a wonderful mix of fun community activities, quiet walls of art, and quality time with my family.

When we were walking out at the end of the day my husband turned to me and said, "We are so lucky to live in this city."

I couldn't agree more.

One Small Change: Water

2010-01-21T18:20:00.008-06:00

Finding a great blog is like making a new friend – as I read each post and discover all of the fresh thoughts and ideas, my mind and soul are filled up in such a delightful way. This week I was introduced to http://www.yogurtandgranola.blogspot.com/, which is authored by a childhood friend of mine named Catherine (Katie, in my mind). I was particularly excited about her post, One Small Change.

The One Small Change project is the brainchild of Hip Mountain Mama (another blog I am thrilled to have just found). In Hip Mountain Mama's words:

"We want to challenge each of you to make one change each month leading up to Earth Day (April 22, 2010). It can be small or it can be huge, but all we ask is that you decide on something you will do to make a positive green impact and follow through with it. If everyone makes four changes between January and April, this can have a huge effect."

I am proud to join Catherine and the hundreds of others who have taken on this challenge. What a perfect fit for my commitment to “be change” this year.

Last night I spent some time thinking about what my first “small change” should be. There wasn't an obvious area of improvement that struck me - we are far from perfect, but we do a pretty good job with environmental conservation in our house. Then it came to me while I was brushing my teeth – with the water running (I shamefully admit).

My one small change for January is turning off the water while I brush my teeth.

I am very embarrassed about this. I’m quite aware that turning off the water while brushing falls into the water conservation 101 category. But, I guess I have been slacking, so now is the time to make this change for good.

Water conservation is an area where we are running out of room for error. I think this concept is sometimes hard for people to grasp because it seems there is water everywhere. But although roughly 70% of the earth is covered with water, only 2.5% of that is fresh, and much of the fresh water is frozen. That leaves just 0.5% of the world’s water as accessible fresh water. And that is depleting by the minute.

The World Bank forecasts that by 2035, more than one-third of the world’s population will be at risk of living in severely water-stressed areas. What does that mean for our children?

I really need to turn off the water when I brush my teeth.

We all need to do that and a whole lot more.

It is encouraging for me to see that some large corporations are dedicated to being part of the solution. I am happy to report that RBC, the parent of the company I work for, has committed $50 million over 10 years for endeavors dedicated to water conservation, watershed protection, access to clean drinking water and other water-related issues.

Locally, I was excited to learn that Minnesota-based Pentair Inc. is building and donating a system to collect, filter, and re-use rain water at Target Field, the new home of the Minnesota Twins. Target Field will require half the water it would have used without this system. It will be the first of its kind in a Major League Baseball stadium – way to set an example, Minnesota!

They are doing their part and I will do mine.

What will your one small change be?

What is the Cost?

2010-01-11T21:28:00.005-06:00

Only after the last tree has been cut down.
Only after the last river has been poisoned.
Only after the last fish has been caught.
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
-Cree Indian Prophecy

I don’t want this blog to become the annoying activist type, but I write what I am thinking about and those are the types of issues on my mind today. I am continually troubled by the senseless decisions that our government, most companies, and even my own family (including myself) make because of money.

I find myself repeatedly making choices that are against my principles simply because of the price tag. Just yesterday I filled my fridge with three bags of non-organic produce because of the cost savings. Smart, many would say, because my disposable income is limited. But is it really? What will be the price later of saving a few dollars now?

The cost may be a lot more than money.

First, of course, I have the health of my family to consider. At what point are the chemicals too many? Can I not save money somewhere else so I can put pure food into my children’s bodies? In logical terms the answer seems obvious.

Looking outside my household, what price are we paying when we support the companies that produce these foods? These factory farms are contaminating our environment and squeezing out the small farmers who we want to support. It is the factory farms that are making fresh food unaffordable. The organic farmers are forced to raise prices in order to stay alive and compete.

And I’m just talking produce here. Dig into the issues of processed food and the meat industry and the discussion gets much more scary and complex.

I could spend many hours researching and writing on this topic, but it makes me too sick and worried so instead I will refer to the those who have already done the work. Watch the documentary Food, Inc. Here's the trailer.

I'm thinking its never before been so important to put my money where my mouth is.

My Art

2010-01-09T20:19:00.005-06:00

Sometimes I wonder if people question why I spend the time blogging. I think the following quote is the answer. I may not be the most brilliant or creative writer, but writing is definitely my art in these terms:

"Artists need to redefine themselves for themselves so they can educate the people around them to accept the fact that art making is an integral part of who they are as individuals, it is NOT a job, NOT a career, NOT a profession and NOT something you chose. It chooses YOU." ~Sylvia White

And, Oh Yeah, I'm Married

2010-01-07T20:32:00.009-06:00

Today while I ate lunch at my desk I jotted down a little list of my favorite memories from 2009. It included many wonderful things like my BWCA wilderness adventure, meeting my celebrity idol, my daughter starting kindergarten, my 35th birthday bash, et cetera, et cetera.

When I first read my list I was all aglow with warm remembrances. But quickly I was stunned to notice that none of my special moments included my husband! I mean, he was there at my party and my kids' events, but they really weren't memories of us as a couple.

Sadly, when I look back on my times with my husband last year they primarily include things like job loss, financial planning, and how-do-we-tell-the-kids discussions. There were none of the vacations and special couples moments that punctuated years past.

We let everything else come first.

I guess I felt it without realizing it, but I'm glad I'm recognizing it now. I refuse to fall into this trap.

I'm going to put some intention into recognizing what happened last year and making some changes. Nice timing that Elizabeth Gilbert's new book "Committed" is just hitting the shelves - I think reading this multi-generational exploration of marriage will help keep my focus where I want it.

This July marks our 10-year wedding anniversary and I'm deciding right now that it is going to be a year-long celebration above all else.

Love you, hon.

Time For Change

2010-01-01T11:39:00.004-06:00

For the past few months I have featured this quote from hostage survivor, Ashley Smith, in the header of my blog:

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

I chose that quote for the sentiment of noticing beauty. I believe that taking the time to recognize all of the wonder of the world around us truly adds so much pleasure to life.

But, as I’ve sat back and thought about it, I really don’t think that’s what living a lovely life is all about. I would like to do a whole lot more than just notice beauty.

So, as we move into a new year and a new decade, I have changed my featured quote to a favorite of mine from Mahatma Gandhi:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Now, there’s a lot of change I would like to see in the world and being that I am the breadwinner for a family of five with young children, I am not even going to try to put it all on my shoulders. (Read: no peace rally organization in the near future.) But, I believe there is much that I can do to influence the immediate world around me – namely my family, home, community and environment.

This isn’t a new philosophy – it’s just fine tuning – but I thought this calendar milestone was a good time to put it in writing.

For 2010, I will place my focus on ENJOYING, CREATING and BEING part of the beauty in the world as I continue to live by my mantra: It’s a journey, but I’m choosing to live lovely.

Seasonal Delights

2009-12-21T21:11:00.017-06:00

The holidays are here and I couldn't be more excited! I'm just a festive kind of girl. But I really wish everyone shared my merriness. Honestly, I am a little disappointed by some of my friends lately - so much complaining about shopping and cooking and cleaning and waiting in lines. I get it - it's all a little crazy - but here are a few of the things that help keep me in the right state of mind.

There is something magical about tiny, twinkling bulbs wrapped around winter's naked branches. Especially with the glass walls of downtown as the backdrop. It almost makes it worth it to leave work in the blackness of night. I equally love the giant inflatable snowman the springs from my front lawn each night. My daughter picked it out and my husband put it up as a surprise, which makes it awesome.

I savor every buttery morsal of Christmas that I can get my teeth on. Not a gingerbread, truffle, spritz or peanut blossom is safe around me. I even like the coconut things that everyone else passes over. And they taste even better when dressed in sprinkles by a child. These adorable reindeer were made by my mom and daughter. They tasted just as good as they look.

December is the one time of year that I love going to the mailbox. The kids and I quickly tear through the envelopes to find the prizes inside. We take the time to talk about each person or family we receive cards from - always great conversation. I know Christmas cards aren't doing the environment any good, but I love them anyway. There is something special about having my friends' and family's smiling faces taped on my kitchen door. I usually keep them up through March.

And, of course, if all else fails, its impossible not to love celebrating Christmas with little people who still believe in the big guy in red. Their excitement is beyond contagious. I set them loose to decorate and wrap - who cares if the tree has 90 percent on the ornaments on the front lower half? The joy of the season is completely alive in them and it is wonderful!

For me, this package says it all.

Head Above Water

2009-12-07T20:58:00.002-06:00

When I created this blog my intention was to write about the good in my life, because that's where I want to focus my energy. Hence the title "Choose To Live Lovely."

The only problem is there are times when things don't feel so lovely and it makes me feel a bit unauthentic to only be talking positive on my blog. Sometimes it feels like a better title may have been "Head Above Water," or something of that flavor.

I guess the purpose of this post is to let you know that, yes, I have bad days and I'm not always so optimistic, but I'm sticking with the (mostly) good stuff on this blog because that was the whole point. I believe positive thinking goes a long way and writing it down goes even further.

This reminds me of a cool product called The Intention Box, created by a local woman named Ann Drew Yu. I love her tag line: "Where Intention Goes, Energy Flows."

So, I'm going to keep my focus where my heart always is - even on the bad days. My hope is that my words may help spark even a little positive energy within those who choose to read them. There is something very gratifying about the writing process for me.

Kitty Bliss

2009-12-06T14:28:00.004-06:00

I am watching my cat dozing by the window, lazily tossing his tail from side to side as if in response to pleasant thoughts. His tabby coat glistens pure gold in the afternoon sun that heats the glass he rests against. His fat tummy slowly rises and falls as he breathes in, out, in, out, in, out. So relaxed. So at peace.

I wonder what, if anything, he’s thinking about. Is he day dreaming about chasing small prey through the back of our wooded lot? Is he remembering the good rubdown I gave him last night? Is he basking in the thrill of victory after his morning spat with his sister?

Sometimes I am envious of his leisurely life. No responsibility. No obligations. Would I be bored? Is he bored? If only I had the chance to know.

The fact that he has caused me to pause and think about this at all makes me smile. He’s reminded me, even if only for the moment, to slow down, exhale and enjoy. One minute of pure kitty bliss.

Like New

2009-12-06T12:32:00.003-06:00

A quick follow up on my last post. The girls found the garage sale staging area in the basement and brought a bunch of toys back upstairs. They are all excited to play with the "new" toys.

Hmmm... This isn't all bad. Maybe my strategy just needs to be rotation.

25% Off At The Zimmermans

2009-12-04T21:54:00.008-06:00

The curse of online shopping is most definitely the resulting fire hose of email sales promotions. At this moment, Toys R Us is particularly driving me crazy. I’m sorry; I’m just not interested in your deal of the day AGAIN!

I’m simply not inspired to shop. And it’s not about spending money. I hate buying gifts just to give gifts. I don’t like the trend my family has taken of basically telling each other what to buy. Certain unnamed family members (by marriage) literally provide SKU numbers for the gifts they want. A couple years ago they even bought the gifts and just asked us to give them the cash. That’s when I surrendered to the fact that we have very different ideas of Christmas and I’m not going to let them spoil mine.

Moreover, I just have no desire to add more junk to our overflowing house. I am telling my family to please not buy me gifts, and really, the kids need nothing (read: keep it small, I’m begging you!).

Instead of standing in line for Zhu Zhu Pets or seeking out the best deal, this year I am spending my time purging. I have set the goal to reduce the contents of my house by 25 percent. (Really, it’s that bad.)

I’ve been honest here before that household organization is not my strong point. (Remember my tribute to Organized Audrey?) It was no joke when I said I am serious about it this time. I have spent a lot of time planning what needs to be done, and the bottom line is that there is no way to maintain this house in an orderly manner when it is completely packed with stuff. Really, how can I organize a closet that I can’t even shut?!

I have set a deadline of May 1 to complete this project. Our city-wide garage sale is the following weekend and my neighbors can look forward to a quarter of our possessions piled on the driveway up for grabs.

I’ve already started on the kitchen and the kids toys, and it’s been incredibly refreshing work so far. I’m not brave enough yet to post before and after pictures, but here’s a shot of the recently decluttered toy cabinet. The board games alone were a several-hour project – finding missing pieces and taping up boxes. Not fun work when I was drowning in piles of homeless junk, but worth the effort in the end. Sometimes now I open the cabinet just to look at the perfectly stacked boxes. (Maybe I need to get a life?)

I am quite confident that I purged a quarter of the toys from the main level of our house last weekend – and all of those I removed had not been played with in at least a year! I truly believe I could cut a fourth of our possessions without anyone in my family noticing. But I can guarantee that they will notice the result. I think it's going to be better than Christmas!

Enter Stage Light

2009-12-02T21:10:00.005-06:00

I consider myself an optimist, but winter is one thing I have a hard time seeing the bright side of. Because of the darkness.

I work full time in a cubicle with no windows, so winter means I only see the sun on weekends. About 20 hours a week of daylight - down from over 50 in the summer.

Experience has taught me that embracing the dark and cold just isn't going to happen, so I don't even try any more. I've found a source of light besides the sun to help nurture my starving soul through the winter months - the Twin Cities fabulous arts scene.

There is always something new to see, to hear, to experience, to learn. It's almost worth the sacrifice of being shut in.

And you really don't need to spend a lot of money to get a full dose of culture. You can enjoy an entire season of the arts for about the cost of one snowmobile suit!

My family kicked off the dark season with November's free first Saturday event at the Walker Art Center. We helped build a reflective sculpture, explored the exhibits, and rocked out with The Commandos. We were even blessed with some sunshine for running around the Sculpture Garden.

It's days like these that make me thankful that I share my hometown with Target Corporation headquarters. The retail monster sponsors regular free events at all of the major museums and even offers free family shows at Orchestra Hall (available on a lottery basis).

Speaking of orchestra, the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra offers a fabulous deal for young adults called Club2030. It allows us non-traditional patrons (I assume that's how the under-40 crowd is classified) to purchase best available seats to any show for only $10.

Community theater is another superb option for affordable entertainment. During November I took my daughters to an outstanding high school production of The Music Man, as well as Fiddler on the Roof at Phipps Theater in Hudson, WI. I have already purchased tickets for the whole family to see Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type at Stages Theatre in Hopkins this spring - I am SO excited to see one of our favorite kids books on stage!

Of course, when I can swing it I still love to make it to the Broadway-quality productions that frequent the cities and the Tony-winning Children's Theatre Company, but I have to stick with what the budget allows. Sometimes great deals, like two-for-ones, are available and I am always keeping my eyes open.

Last month I also had a chance to escape to First Ave for the Mason Jennings show. I love to see a local act becoming so successful. Mason's new album, Blood of Man, is phenomenal live. (He's coming again in December - just saying...)

The Twin Cities has a constant stream of awesome bands flowing through town, most of which you can catch for under $20. Sometimes it almost seems like robbery the shows are so good. Although, I will admit that I splurged and bought U2 tickets as a little early Christmas gift to myself. Occasionally you just have to drop the bucks. And I figure anticipation is half the fun, so I will get my money's worth just by having to wait until June for the show!

I'm glowing a little just thinking about it.

Gratitude

2009-11-30T17:26:00.010-06:00

I can't let November close without taking the time to express gratitude for all that makes up my wonderful life.

On Thanksgiving, after we cleared the excessive leftovers from the table, I sat with my grandma putting away the good silverware in her storage chest. As I marveled over the tiny relish forks, it occurred to me what a bountiful life we live. Not only do we have plenty (and delicious) food to eat, we actually have a variety of special utensils to use for each of the many courses.

Spoiled. That's what we are. Completely spoiled. And we shouldn't forget it.

When I reflect upon all I am grateful for, I need to specifically mention the following things:

My husband, for accepting me as I am, always, and being here no matter what.
My children, for making me smile every day.
My many treasured friends, each of whom is a special soul mate in a different way.
My job, for allowing me to provide for my family and enjoy myself at the same time.
My parents, siblings and extended family, for their unconditional love and support.
My home and all the comforts that come with it, for being just that - home.

You get the idea.

Appreciate what you have and say it out loud - especially to those you love.

If you are a twitter user, check out @iamgrateful4, a collective gratitude journal. If you ever need a pick-me-up, it's a darn good place to start.

And next time you say the words "thank you," think about what you are saying and why. There is no practice more fulfilling than gratitude.

One Phone Call From Our Knees

2009-10-28T21:32:00.002-05:00

I recently heard Mat Kearney’s new song “Closer to Love” on the radio and I was struck by a line that I can’t stop thinking about:

“I guess we're all one phone call from our knees.”

Although the song overall really isn’t my taste, that line moved me.

A few years ago that line would have put me in panic mode. I could get cancer. My husband could die in a car crash. My children could never make it home from school.

I used to worry about these types of things a lot. A LOT. Like, I lost many nights of sleep. But, somehow – with age, I guess – I have been able to shift my mindset so I no longer waste my energy worrying much about things I can’t control.

Instead, I am aware that any of these things could happen and so I am trying to live every day to the fullest. It is a guiding principle in many choices for me.

For example, last year when we were planning our budget there was a chunk of money that we could either use for new flooring (which we desperately want) or a family vacation to sunny Florida. We went with the latter.

My exact thinking at the time was “I will never lie on my death bed and wish I would have had nicer floors, but this special time with my kids will stay with me forever.”

Good choice. A year after the trip, I still wouldn’t trade the memories for anything.

I guess I was primed to be thinking about this when I heard the Mat Kearney song because I recently read a book with a similar message. In “The Year of Magical Thinking,” Joan Didion tells the heart-breaking true story of the year she lost her husband to a heart attack while her daughter spent months in the ICU. Throughout the beautifully crafted memoir, Didion repeats one line:

“You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.”

When I first started reading the book I thought to myself, “Can you handle this one, Jen?” I am very aware of how close to the edge of sanity I was when I first became a mom and I used to worry for hours and days about things like my children landing in the ICU. And my own father is a heart attack survivor.

I decided to carry on with the reading and I’m so glad I did. Much to my surprise, the book did not cause me to worry. It only strengthened my feelings of optimism and gratitude, because even though some things in my life may not be perfect right now, all the truly important things are just fine.

I guess a little reminder once in a while is a very nice thing.

Life is good. I know that could change in an instant. So, for now, I’m going to soak up the sun.

Blessings Overload

2009-10-25T21:10:00.010-05:00

The past week I have been struck by a condition I like to call Blessings Overload. I had so many wonderful things happening in my life that I could hardly keep up with them all.

In seven days time I sang karaoke at a dive bar, went to a fabulous concert, ate dinner out with two different groups of friends, participated in a parent-child event at church, met two different friends for coffee, attended a Girl Scouts theater event with my daughter, picked out pumpkins at the patch with the family, celebrated my nephew's birthday, and went to a family Halloween party at our friends' home. That's on top of all the normal stuff, like working 40 hours, chauffeuring kids to dance class and Sunday School, homework, housework, etc.

I am not complaining - not at all - but I am tired. And that's why I have been absent from the blog for an extended stretch. Even though there have been so many stories to tell...

Footsteps Worth Following

2009-10-13T21:44:00.009-05:00

I’m thinking about my grandma today. Well, I think about her everyday, but today she is especially on my mind because after listening to the baseball game with her on Sunday night, I am missing her and wanting more…

My grandma Gen (my namesake) is 96 years old and she continues to be a shining example of how to live life well. She is fortunate to still have the good health that enables her to live in her own home – the place where she raised my mom and where she held my grandpa when he died 17 years ago.

In the last few years she has started to noticeably slow down (naturally), but yet we are always greeted with cookies on the kitchen table and the candy dishes are always stocked. Not that we need the sweets, but they exemplify her welcoming personality.

I love to watch my kids interact with her – separated by two generations, yet the connection is just as strong. There is no hesitancy in their hugs and kisses for great grandma. Why would there be? She is simply wonderful.

Over the years – since I’ve been old enough to recognize how truly special my grandma is – I’ve paid attention to how she lives her life to the fullest.

She has fun – I am smiling thinking of some of the fun times we’ve had together. Just a few years back grandma acted out “Dirty Dancing” in a game of charades in her dining room. I remember how hard she laughed when she realized that the curtains were open and the neighbors may have seen. And I’ll never forget when we went to see the movie Titanic and she loudly told me in the quiet of the theater that she would have done the same thing as Monica Lewinski if she had the chance! I really could go on and on about how fun my grandma is. When she skips a party she is always greatly missed.

She is active – My grandma still goes out to get her hair done every week and does her own grocery shopping. She plants flowers and keeps her house up. Of course she has some help now, but she doesn’t sit back – she is still involved in everything and wouldn’t have it any other way. Up until she stopped driving a couple years back, she drove the “old ladies” to church every Sunday (I think they were about 15 years younger than her).

She has strong relationships – My grandma has a lot of friends who visit and call – and it’s not just to check up on her. She has clearly invested considerable effort to her relationships over the years and there are so many of us who keep her in the front of our minds all the time. Sometimes I can’t reach her for hours because I get a busy signal every time I dial.

She eats well – It is all about balance. My grandma eats small amounts throughout the day. She likes sweets, but doesn’t have too many. She enjoys a strong drink now and then. She has always watched her weight and she doesn’t eat many processed foods. The bottom line is she takes care of herself.

She keeps her mind sharp – The newspaper is read cover-to-cover every day and she watches at least two news casts regularly. She asks me about if I’ve been to new restaurants and she is often the one catching me up on the latest happenings around town. She still votes in every election and she makes up her own mind about who she is choosing and why – and she’s not afraid to try to influence your opinion! She also tells wonderful stories from throughout her life. I am always amazed by the details she remembers – the names of people and places and the years when things happened. Her stories never grow old.

She is spiritual – My grandma has never been preachy, but she is solid in her beliefs and practices them. She finds peace in being guided by a higher power. She is very centered.

Cleary the way my grandma has chosen to live her life has had an impact on the quality of life she’s enjoyed. In the book “The Blue Zone: Lessons for Living Longer From People Who Have Lived the Longest,” author Dan Buettner shares similar stories as examples of lives well lived. It is an interesting walk through several different cultures and how they have practiced certain principles that have led to long healthy lives. Since publication in 2008, many people – even whole communities – have followed the lead as part of the Blue Zones Vitality Project. It is exciting to see this growing focus on healthy living.

When I read the book when it was first released, it immediately made me think of my grandma. How blessed I am to have grown up with her as my role model!

I love you, grandma.

As Seasons Change

2009-10-12T19:47:00.013-05:00

We had our first notable snow fall of the season today. My initial reaction - which I heard echoed in murmurs of disgust by many others - was: "Where did summer go? How could it be gone so fast?"

That feeling of time slipping through my fingers seems to accelerate each year.

Much-anticipated events are now fond memories; times I thought I couldn't live through are now badges of courage and strength; and the faces in my daily life have changed and changed again - literally and figuratively.

Naturally, this feeling is most prominent when I look at my children. My babies who are no longer babies!

My son, my youngest child, is two and a half. I listen to him speaking in intelligent sentences and watch him keeping up with his older sisters and it hurts my heart a little. I want to keep his tiny hand enclosed in my palm in hopes that it won't grow larger if I just hold on tight.

The seasons keep changing, but fortunately the rapid pace has taught me a thing or two about perspective - about what and who are important. It's that time-tested wisdom that now keeps me from complaining too much about a snow fall. A beautiful one at that.

Saving Money By Saving The Planet

2009-10-10T12:24:00.001-05:00

My family is very budget conscious right now, but fortunately many of the things we can do to save money are also good for the environment. All of these things are so easy to put into action and doubly beneficial!

Save energy
· Adjust your thermostat a few degrees.
· Install compact fluorescent light bulbs.
· Unplug appliances or use power strips when not using them.
· Turn off the lights when you leave the room.
· Turn down the heat or turn off the air conditioner when you’re not at home.
· Wash clothes in cold water.

Save water
· Use a reusable water bottle filled with filtered tap water.
· Water plants with rain water collected in containers in your garden.
· Take shorter showers.
· Skip watering the grass and washing the car.

Save paper
· Use both sides of every sheet of paper.
· Write lists and notes-to-self on the backs of envelopes or junk mail.
· Don’t print unless you have to.
· Read online instead of printed magazines and newspapers.
· Pay bills online.

Save gas
· Take the bus to work.
· Walk or take a bike for short distances.

Who knew living tight was such a great thing?! Even better, my kids are excited to help out because they care about saving the planet (it is a little harder to get them jazzed about saving money).

A Really Good, Very Bad Day

2009-10-08T20:17:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I was having a bad day. I was way overly tired and a lot of things seemed to not be going my way. I was also feeling sad for a couple of my friends who are going through hard times. I cried a little and was just generally down.

But then...
My friend Laura invited me into her office and let me pour it all out.
My friend Jenn checked in on me twice.
My friend Wade made me laugh.
My friend Jill pretended I wasn’t acting crazy.
My kids snuggled with me on the couch.
My husband let me go to bed before the kids were even down.
My kitty joined me under the covers.

I went to sleep with a smile on my face feeling like one lucky girl. That I most definitely am.

Saved by the Super Kids

2009-10-06T20:29:00.014-05:00

I love this photo of my kids in their Halloween costumes. I love that they worked together to coordinate costumes. I love that they planned their little pose themselves. I love how happy they look and how happy they make me.

This photo is the current home screen on my Blackberry, which is my constant sidekick. I can't tell you how many times I have glanced down at it during a busy day at work and smiled. Every time I look at this picture my Super Kids save me from whatever I may be stressing over.

Pictures are so great that way. Little memory keepers that have a way of bringing us back like nothing else.

I am not a scrapbooker and I don't have an organized system for my photos, but I still enjoy them fully. There are snap shots framed all over my home and office and I proudly share with my friends on facebook regularly.

Another of my favorite ways to use pictures is as bookmarks. Each time I open my book I get a chance to bring that special memory back. I usually select pictures as bookmarks that aren't quite right for framing, but they mean something special to me.

Once my Super Kids picture is replaced in the place of honor on my phone it may just make it to a frame. I think this one is a long-time keeper!

My Furry Little Homemakers

2009-09-30T20:31:00.010-05:00

It goes like this: in a matter of a month my husband lost his job, I started working what seems like a million hours a week, the girls began the new school year, and we pulled the little guy from childcare – sudden household insanity!

So what did we do? We got cats.

We adopted two-year-old siblings Simo, a fat, playful tabby, and Celia, a shy, little tortoise shell calico.

We are quite aware what some of our friends and family are thinking. They wonder why, when we have a so many things going on and a loss of income, would we take on the additional responsibility of pets.

Why? We needed them a whole lot more than they needed us.

Simo and Celia are great companions to my husband and son when they are home all day, every day. They are playmates for the kids. They are great cuddlers and listeners when we are having a tough day. They even helped the kids forget that we had to cancel our family vacation.

I can’t even tell you how much they have given us already in the three short weeks we’ve had them.

There are numerous studies claiming pet owners are less stressed and less likely to suffer depression than non-pet owners. In her article, “How Owning a Dog or Cat Can Reduce Stress,” Elizabeth Scott, M.S., offers these reasons:
• Pets Can Improve Your Mood
• Pets Control Blood Pressure Better Than Drugs
• Pets Can Help With Social Support
• Pets Stave Off Loneliness and Provide Unconditional Love
• Pets Can Reduce Stress—Sometimes More Than People

I really didn’t need to look that up. Simo and Celia aren’t our first pets. Our family included two cats named Cody and Misti up until two years ago, when we sadly lost them both to separate illnesses within a few months. They had been so important to us and we grieved their loss so much that it took us this long to be ready to welcome new cats into our family.

But we knew it was time now. We all needed each other – it was a perfect match. They are helping us feel quite centered at home at a time when change could have easily overcome us. It is very nice to have a family of seven once again.

I Bow Down to Organized Audrey

2009-09-27T16:38:00.004-05:00

I have an idol. I’ve met her once, I’ve heard her speak, I’ve bought her books and read them many, many times, and I’ve attempted to put them into action even many more times than that. I look up to this woman because no matter how hard I try, I am not anything like her. And I really want to be.

She is Audrey Thomas, founder of Organized Audrey. She is a home organization expert.

There are a lot of great things about my home. It is bright and open. It is surrounded by lovely trees. It is occupied by the people I love. It has plenty of space for us and our things. It really is a good place to live.

But organized it is not.

I have stacks of papers on my kitchen counter, laundry baskets of clothes in my bedrooms, toys overflowing every room, piles of dirty laundry waiting to be washed and closets stuffed floor to ceiling with, well, stuff. I can’t even guess how much time is wasted in my house looking for things we can’t find and how much energy is wasted feeling frustrated about the mess.

I reveal all this as a sort of therapy. It’s like I’m at my first Disorganized Anonymous meeting and I’m shyly standing up to admit to the crowd: “Hi, I’m Jen, and I’m disorganized.”

The time has come to change. But this isn’t my first time trying. Many more times than once I have worked really hard to get everything the way I want it (or at least close) and have kept it that way for two, maybe three weeks, and then I fall off the wagon again. I like to blame it on lack of time as a busy working mom of three, but I know an excuse doesn’t change the fact that it is as it is and I don’t like it.

So, send me good vibes, say a little prayer, or however you can support me, please. I’m going to try again.

I remember when I heard Audrey speak once she made a big point about not trying to do it all at once, but instead changing little habits one at a time. I trust her, so I will follow that advice.

So, first I’m going to tackle the paper in my kitchen. Audrey told a great story about a woman who had once called on her for help with this very issue. She had a gorgeous, clean house, but her double ovens were completely stuffed with papers. She had shoved it all in there once when company was coming and then just kept adding to it. (The story helped me feel so much better – at least my ovens are free of paper!)

Audrey’s solution to all the paper is using a hanging file box with separate files for all the different types of topics appropriate for your family. One for the school, one for church, one for sports, one for bills, one for take-out menus and coupons, one for each person’s personal stuff, ect. I actually attempted this a year or two ago and it worked great for a while. BUT, I had failed to take Audrey’s advice on one point – she said to not buy the pretty small file – to get the great big one. I went for the small, it got too stuffed and then we stopped using it.

I bought the big file box now and we will start again. I am committed. I am going to use this week to focus my energy, re-read some of the Organized Audrey books and get the family on board. My goal is to turn my home into more of a haven before the snow flies.

Thanks for your fabulous solutions and guidance, Audrey! You (and your ways) are always welcome in our home!

Healthy Food, But Are the Containers Killing Me?

2009-09-25T15:26:00.010-05:00

On top of thinking about what I’m putting into my body, lately I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I’m putting my food and drink into. It really freaks me out to read that the plastic bottles and sippy cups I used with my kids may cause cancer and that the aluminum water bottle I constantly used could cause neurological disorders.

Is anything safe these days?

There don't seem to be any issues with glass and stainless steel, so that’s what I'm going with.

First off, I ditched most of our plastic dishes and cups and we are using glass, which we already used aside from the kids’ stuff. I have to admit that I wasn’t sad to part with the dishes decorated with princesses and animals – cute, but time to go. The kids didn’t even seem to notice. I found tempered glass kidishes by Duralex for the kids online, which I am very excited about.

I also got rid of most of our plastic storage containers, although I still use some #2 plastic containers with dry goods for sending the kids food to school. I figure it is still better than contributing plastic bags to the land fills. I just don’t put them in the dishwasher or microwave them. (In fact the only plastic I ever microwave is the occasional Lean Cuisine when I am really desperate – nobody’s perfect, right?) Also, I have been reading about waxed paper bags for school lunches which I need to check out – sounds like another potential good option for the kids.

Next, I bought each member of the family a Klean Kanteen stainless steel water bottle to use throughout the day. I love them! They are durable, the water doesn’t get a metallic taste and they are super light weight. More importantly, we don’t have to worry about chemicals like BPA. Plus, I like how the Klean Kanteen wide mouths are easy for cleaning.

Finally, I am slowly replacing a lot of my cookware. Because my budget is tight I haven’t been able to jump on this as quickly and instead have been replacing one piece at a time (and trying to mostly only use the new stuff). Maybe this is a good excuse to finally get to build a collection of the All-Clad stainless cookware I’ve been wanting for years!

I figure that making these small changes is the least I can do for my health and my family. There are so many things I can’t control, so why not do my best with the things I can!

Farm Fresh

2009-09-24T22:35:00.010-05:00

I feel really lucky to live and work where I have easy access to working farmland, orchards and robust farmers markets. Three seasons a year I have access to the freshest of locally grown vegetables and fruit. I hardly have to go to the grocery store and it is so easy to get the kids to make healthier food choices.

I work in downtown Minneapolis, where every Thursday the Minneapolis Farmer’s Market spans several blocks down Nicollet Mall. Each week I ride the bus home with a big bag full of seasonal goodness to kick off the weekend well.

Today I picked up a ton of gorgeous sweet corn, crisp green beans and some beautiful ripe tomatoes. My mouth is watering just thinking about the barbeque we’ll have tomorrow! I also picked up some fresh catnip as a treat for my kitties. Is it wrong that I supply drugs for my animals?

On the weekends we like to get the kids involved when we can. We spent last Sunday at Whistling Well Farm picking apples fresh from the trees and running around with the resident dog and chickens. It was such a wonderful way to relish the beautiful autumn afternoon and we went home with bags of delicious souvenirs to enjoy through the week. I can’t wait for prime Honeycrisp season to start in two weeks!

I am filling my body (and my freezer) with all the fresh goodness I can while the getting is good. Squash and pumpkins next – YUM!

Fitting Good Food Into Little Time

2009-09-20T10:01:00.004-05:00

In my dream life I have a personal chef. He whips up perfectly delicious and nutritious meals for the family and there are always readily available healthy snacks when we need them.

Realty: As I write this I am eating a pre-made frozen lasagna out of a plastic tray that I just zapped with radiation. Mmmmm. I try not to make a habit out of this, but we are a beyond busy family and we usually eat what is easiest to grab. The trick is making sure the most accessible food is actually satisfying and good for us, so we’ve been working a lot on meal planning in our house lately.

We’ve found that the key to healthy, happy eating is involving the kids in the planning. Kids always enjoy food more when they feel like they had a hand in it. I don’t bring the kids to the grocery store with me (so I can stick to a list), but we do sit down together to prepare the shopping list.

Although it may sound like more work to involve the kids, it eliminates any arguments or decisions at meal times – and the kids love to be part of it. In the end, by planning together we end up with more time around the table enjoying the food together.

Additionally, we’ve been doing more to encourage the kids to take an interest in their personal nutrition. My five-year-old daughter really likes to eat and wasn’t blessed with a fast metabolism – it was quickly evident that we needed to help her make smart decisions at a young age or she could be plagued with weight struggles and potential health issues for life.

I’ve found the best tool to use with the kids is the good old fashioned Food Pyramid from the United States Department of Agriculture. The government-run website www.mypyramid.gov offers a tremendous amount of valuable information, including printables that you can hang right on your fridge for the kids to see every time they are choosing a snack. Tools and information vary by age group, so you can find the best suited resources for your family.

We refer to the Food Pyramid when planning our grocery lists and selecting our daily food choices. The kids enjoy the challenge of meeting the goals established on the Pyramid (which can be customized by person on the website):

Grains
Make half your grains whole
Eat 6 oz. every day

Vegetables
Vary your veggies
Eat 2 ½ cups each day

Fruits
Focus on Fruits
Eat 2 cups every day

Milk
Get your calcium-rich foods
Get 3 cups every day

Meat & Beans
Go lean with protein
Eat 5 ½ oz. every day

I guess the Food Pyramid is all just common sense. But really, common sense is what healthy eating is all about – natural food from the earth is always going to be healthier than food manufactured by humans. Still, it is nice to have the Pyramid’s system to follow – especially for the kids.

I am absolutely tickled when my kids say things like “mom, you need to add a protein to my lunch” or “I don’t think we’ve had enough orange vegetables this week.” Such good little stewards of health! Lucky they’re not here right now to witness this microwaved lasagna.

It's Daddy Time!

2009-09-17T20:07:00.002-05:00

I never expected to be the one working parent in a household of five, but you roll with the punches in life and - with a good attitude - it all works out.

I actually think it is pretty cool that my husband gets to spend this special time with our two-year-old son while I’m at work and the girls are at school. He is potty training the little guy (yippee!) and yesterday they spent the whole morning at the hockey rink together.

BUT (a big but), sometimes it is really hard to be the one at work missing out on all the kid stuff. This week I have been seeing my children an average of two hours per day, and that is mostly filled with homework, bath time, etc.

Last night it all came down on me when I went to put my boy down to bed and his response was “I want daddy! Why don’t you just go to work, mom!” My heart broke in two. Clearly I’m not the only one who has noticed the role reversals in our house.

I’m trudging on, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment. At least I can use it to remind me to make the most of every single minute I do have with him. I can’t have the quantity right now, so I’m going to go for the quality – big time!

The Challenge

2009-09-02T19:30:00.005-05:00

It seems to all be piling up lately. My husband lost his job, some of my friends seem a bit too distant, and my kids are going back to school (my second off to kindergarten – I can’t believe it!). I think the hardest thing, really, is that I feel too busy to really sit back and properly assess any of this.

Somehow, in the midst of it all, I am supposed to just keep chugging away busy as ever at work, kids’ activities, responsibilities and all. How am I supposed to manage the situations – or my emotions, for that matter – when I feel like I hardly have time to acknowledge them? Instead, for the moment, I am wallowing. I am feeling sorry for myself. I hate this. I feel like I’m not me.

I sent an email to my dear friend this morning and asked her if the way I am feeling is normal. She assured me it was. But, of course, she’s my friend, so I trust her on every topic except for honest assessments of myself. But then she sent me a link to one of her friend’s blogs and I was comforted (yet saddened) by reading Tears, by Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner. Thank you for sharing, Jennifer. I guess we’re both normal! And we are not alone.

Still, how do I break out of this? How do I slow down enough to evaluate and repair? I know that time alone won’t heal me – that I’ve learned the hard way.

Maybe it is far more than a coincidence that today is the first day in the Cardio Challenge that I have agreed to tackle with friends. We are competing against each other to exceed weekly mileage goals running, rowing and biking. I have been slacking on exercise lately, but I couldn’t resist my friend’s enthusiasm in developing this friendly competition. And I can’t think of a better time to jump back into gear. I know that the endorphins won’t hurt a bit, but better yet, I look forward to using my exercise time as an opportunity to think through these things happening in my life and plan for the next steps ahead.

I am optimistic that it will all be clearer with my running shoes on. And I’m pretty sure that I will find me again somewhere along the road.

The Belligerent Optimist

2009-08-05T23:30:00.003-05:00

The tone of my blog may be changing a bit. Hopefully this will be a very temporary disruption. My husband lost his job yesterday. Yes, this disgusting economy continues to take its toll. And if you’ve read my previous post about money, you know that this loss of income will be more than a minor inconvenience for my family.

Obviously, I will keep working hard and earning a living the best I can. But what else can I do to help my family get through this? At the very least, I owe it to my kids not to let this situation turn us into miserable people.

I will be the belligerent optimist. I am going to fight all the negativity that keeps creeping in as if my life depended on it. In some ways, I think it does.

Unfortunately a positive attitude won’t change the facts if we can’t pay the bills, but it can help me deal with the reality. The bottom line is that I know my close relatives and good friends will not let my family starve or end up living in a box. Times may not be easy, but they could be much worse. We have it so good in so many ways – health, love, freedom – to name a critical few.

I pledge not to dwell, but facing my family’s crisis on these pages may just be the best therapy to get me through this nightmare. As I write about my commitment to strength, I believe it. And I know very soon there will be plenty of good news to share.

Medicine of the Mind, Indeed

2009-08-05T21:43:00.008-05:00

Last month I went on a canoe trip that went horribly wrong. The bears ate our food, I got sick with a fever, and we were stuck in the middle of the wilderness because the weather was too bad to get out. There were moments when I wondered if we were ever going to make it home. Two things got me through it: my friend Andrea’s amazing sense of humor and my iPod. Seriously, I don’t know how I would have endured those long nights with the storms and bears threatening outside the thin nylon walls without headphones in my ears. And it wasn’t just the noise blocking out the sound of the wind – it was the music comforting my soul.

I have always been entranced by music. Maybe it goes back to the Lionel Richie records my parents used to spin or the John Denver my dad used to strum on his acoustic. I eventually started my own stack of albums – Michael Jackson and Journey come to mind. As a teen, my brother introduced me to Pink Floyd, REM, Jane’s Addiction and other epic bands that started to sculpt my true appreciation of music and who I am as a person.

My life became a connect-the-dots journey from show to show. From Prince to The Dead, I couldn’t get enough. Big, small, local, international – I had to experience them all.

That’s the thing with live music – it truly is an experience. It goes beyond hearing and seeing the performers – you become part of the music along with the crowd around you. Nothing compares. I am now the 35-year-old who may stand out among the teenage fans, but I’m still there! Granted, not nearly as often, but I can never go too long without getting my fix.

Live music addiction aside, my point is that music in general, even through the ear phones, is truly essential to my being. It pumps me up, chills me down, keeps me company, opens new worlds, bonds me with like-minded people. It is my muse and my constant companion.

My current tastes trend more on the mellow side. Jason Mraz is my favorite. Newer comers Matt Nathanson and James Morrison are also a great pleasure. Old favorites like Bob Mould and The Dead have a regular place on my play lists. And, of course, I still like to keep my heart young with some good dance tunes and a little bit of funky once in a while. I recently went to a spectacular Lily Allen show and felt 18 again.

Writing about music feels kind of like writing about your family. You could go on and on and on, but the subject is so personal that nobody probably cares. How can you really express love on paper? So, I conclude with a favorite quote...

Music's the medicine of the mind. ~John A. Logan

Hula Hooping Through Life

2009-07-28T14:56:00.002-05:00

I have decided to make exercise part of my life. My first order of business is quitting the gym. That's right - I quit. How can I really be a fit example for my children when going to the gym means dropping them in the childcare? Instead, I am going to find ways to truly integrate exercise into our routine so we will all enjoy and benefit.

Today was a good start. We took a walk to the playground. The older kids walked and I pushed the little guy and picnic lunch in the double stroller. We took the long cut around the pond and then the kids ran through the field and I pushed the stroller across the grass. Let me tell you, pushing a double stroller across an uncut field is better than any exercise machine I've ever tried! At the play ground I pushed the kids on the swings and did a little swinging myself. Back at home we cranked up the music in the back yard and danced and hula hooped. I'm still a pretty good hooper - and my abs loved the hip shaking!

I think this is going to work! I did a little googling and at 120 pounds here's how many calories I would burn doing the following activities for just 20 minutes, according to the Fitness Partner Connection:

Bicycling: 12-13.9 mph, leisure, moderate effort - 145.4
Dancing: disco, ballroom, square, line, Irish step, polka - 81.8
Frisbee: general - 54.5
Rope Jumping: general, moderate - 181.8
Swimming: general, leisurely, no laps - 109
Walk: 2 mph (30 min/mi) - 45.4
Gardening: weeding - 81.8
Watering plants, by hand - 45.4
Child-care: bathing, feeding, etc. - 54.5
Playing w/kids: vigorous effort - 90.9
Child games: moderate, hop-scotch, jacks, etc. - 72.7

Compared to the 90-130 calories for the aerobics I used to do, not too shabby! More time with my kids, fitness for the whole family and the same health benefits. I am suddenly really excited about exercise.

I'm off to weed the garden and then gather the troops for a bike ride...

Money Can't Buy Me Love

2009-07-21T17:48:00.006-05:00

The downward economy has caused me to do a lot of thinking about the role that money and material things play in my life. I would like to say I have the upper hand in my relationship with money, but I will admit there definitely has been a power struggle between us sometimes.

I never thought about money until college. I went to a private university with a lot of wealthy kids (or kids of wealthy people, which apparently makes the kids wealthy as well) and was quickly introduced to a new standard of “normal.” Not only did my friends have designer clothes and endless party money, they also had cabins, condos in Florida and other really fun things that I didn’t mind being part of. My friends shared, so money was fun!

As I got older and we started to get careers, houses and families of our own, the pressure to keep up with the Joneses became a vise grip. Dinner parties were actually an opportunity to show off the latest home improvement projects, golf outings were at the country club and kids birthday parties seemed more like carnivals. My husband and I quickly got into the ugly mindset of always wanting more and never being content with what we had. So what did we do? What so many Americans have done – we tried to keep up whether we could afford it or not.

It was all fine until my husband’s income dropped substantially and we couldn’t pay our bills. No rich parents to bail us out. Times were tough for a long while and we are still paying the price catching up.

Fortunately, I can say that we learned our lesson. We’ve been pulling ourselves up by our boot straps and living a pretty darn good life within our means.

We don’t have a condo in Florida, but we do have a local beach that our three wonderful kids love to play at.

We don’t have a cabin, but we do have this awesome tent that sleeps eight and has a screen porch on the front.

We don’t have endless party money, but Trader Joes has pretty good wine and my husband is a great cook.

Best of all, we’ve learned a lot about what’s truly important and know that all that really matters is that we have each other. Even without all the extras, we still have love. (Cheesy, yes, but true.)

That said, my husband and I have learned one final lesson that I would like to share: If you are a poor kid attending a rich college, don’t fall in love with the one other poor kid at the school. In other words, in times of trouble, remember your sense of humor – it goes a long way! : )

Home Not-So-Sweet Home

2009-07-19T15:30:00.002-05:00

I can hear my three kids in the other room fighting over the wii. There is probably nothing that I dislike more than the sound of them arguing (except maybe the sound of the video games). It is a particularly harsh sound right now because we just got back from a beautiful day in the country visiting family. My husband's uncle and aunt live on a hobby farm and from their lovely little white house you can see nothing but grass-covered hills and an old red barn that has seen better days, but fits perfectly into the picturesque view. I felt so wonderfully at peace watching my kids running through the fields and rolling down the hills with their cousins. I was relaxed in the fact that I didn't have to watch too closely because there was really nothing of danger around and I especially loved that they were happily entertaining themselves with really nothing but each other and the beauty around them.

But now we're home. I hadn't finished unpacking the car and the video games were already on and the bickering had begun. So now I'm sitting here wondering why. What is it about our home that seems to bring out the worst in them? Are they simply exhausted from a big day? Did they use up all their good behavior around the relatives? Is it the video games that makes them instant animals? Are they just being kids? I am trying to get to the heart of it. I think a peaceful home is the foundation of a lovely life, so it is probably the best place to start.

For now, I'm going to try to get them away from the wii and out into the garden. Maybe they will listen to mother nature better than they listen to me. It sure seemed to work up at the farm.