The Challenge

It seems to all be piling up lately. My husband lost his job, some of my friends seem a bit too distant, and my kids are going back to school (my second off to kindergarten – I can’t believe it!). I think the hardest thing, really, is that I feel too busy to really sit back and properly assess any of this.

Somehow, in the midst of it all, I am supposed to just keep chugging away busy as ever at work, kids’ activities, responsibilities and all. How am I supposed to manage the situations – or my emotions, for that matter – when I feel like I hardly have time to acknowledge them? Instead, for the moment, I am wallowing. I am feeling sorry for myself. I hate this. I feel like I’m not me.

I sent an email to my dear friend this morning and asked her if the way I am feeling is normal. She assured me it was. But, of course, she’s my friend, so I trust her on every topic except for honest assessments of myself. But then she sent me a link to one of her friend’s blogs and I was comforted (yet saddened) by reading Tears, by Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner. Thank you for sharing, Jennifer. I guess we’re both normal! And we are not alone.

Still, how do I break out of this? How do I slow down enough to evaluate and repair? I know that time alone won’t heal me – that I’ve learned the hard way.

Maybe it is far more than a coincidence that today is the first day in the Cardio Challenge that I have agreed to tackle with friends. We are competing against each other to exceed weekly mileage goals running, rowing and biking. I have been slacking on exercise lately, but I couldn’t resist my friend’s enthusiasm in developing this friendly competition. And I can’t think of a better time to jump back into gear. I know that the endorphins won’t hurt a bit, but better yet, I look forward to using my exercise time as an opportunity to think through these things happening in my life and plan for the next steps ahead.

I am optimistic that it will all be clearer with my running shoes on. And I’m pretty sure that I will find me again somewhere along the road.

The Belligerent Optimist

The tone of my blog may be changing a bit. Hopefully this will be a very temporary disruption. My husband lost his job yesterday. Yes, this disgusting economy continues to take its toll. And if you’ve read my previous post about money, you know that this loss of income will be more than a minor inconvenience for my family.

Obviously, I will keep working hard and earning a living the best I can. But what else can I do to help my family get through this? At the very least, I owe it to my kids not to let this situation turn us into miserable people.

I will be the belligerent optimist. I am going to fight all the negativity that keeps creeping in as if my life depended on it. In some ways, I think it does.

Unfortunately a positive attitude won’t change the facts if we can’t pay the bills, but it can help me deal with the reality. The bottom line is that I know my close relatives and good friends will not let my family starve or end up living in a box. Times may not be easy, but they could be much worse. We have it so good in so many ways – health, love, freedom – to name a critical few.

I pledge not to dwell, but facing my family’s crisis on these pages may just be the best therapy to get me through this nightmare. As I write about my commitment to strength, I believe it. And I know very soon there will be plenty of good news to share.

Medicine of the Mind, Indeed

Last month I went on a canoe trip that went horribly wrong. The bears ate our food, I got sick with a fever, and we were stuck in the middle of the wilderness because the weather was too bad to get out. There were moments when I wondered if we were ever going to make it home. Two things got me through it: my friend Andrea’s amazing sense of humor and my iPod. Seriously, I don’t know how I would have endured those long nights with the storms and bears threatening outside the thin nylon walls without headphones in my ears. And it wasn’t just the noise blocking out the sound of the wind – it was the music comforting my soul.

I have always been entranced by music. Maybe it goes back to the Lionel Richie records my parents used to spin or the John Denver my dad used to strum on his acoustic. I eventually started my own stack of albums – Michael Jackson and Journey come to mind. As a teen, my brother introduced me to Pink Floyd, REM, Jane’s Addiction and other epic bands that started to sculpt my true appreciation of music and who I am as a person.

My life became a connect-the-dots journey from show to show. From Prince to The Dead, I couldn’t get enough. Big, small, local, international – I had to experience them all.

That’s the thing with live music – it truly is an experience. It goes beyond hearing and seeing the performers – you become part of the music along with the crowd around you. Nothing compares. I am now the 35-year-old who may stand out among the teenage fans, but I’m still there! Granted, not nearly as often, but I can never go too long without getting my fix.

Live music addiction aside, my point is that music in general, even through the ear phones, is truly essential to my being. It pumps me up, chills me down, keeps me company, opens new worlds, bonds me with like-minded people. It is my muse and my constant companion.

My current tastes trend more on the mellow side. Jason Mraz is my favorite. Newer comers Matt Nathanson and James Morrison are also a great pleasure. Old favorites like Bob Mould and The Dead have a regular place on my play lists. And, of course, I still like to keep my heart young with some good dance tunes and a little bit of funky once in a while. I recently went to a spectacular Lily Allen show and felt 18 again.

Writing about music feels kind of like writing about your family. You could go on and on and on, but the subject is so personal that nobody probably cares. How can you really express love on paper? So, I conclude with a favorite quote...

Music's the medicine of the mind. ~John A. Logan