One Phone Call From Our Knees

I recently heard Mat Kearney’s new song “Closer to Love” on the radio and I was struck by a line that I can’t stop thinking about:

“I guess we're all one phone call from our knees.”

Although the song overall really isn’t my taste, that line moved me.

A few years ago that line would have put me in panic mode. I could get cancer. My husband could die in a car crash. My children could never make it home from school.

I used to worry about these types of things a lot. A LOT. Like, I lost many nights of sleep. But, somehow – with age, I guess – I have been able to shift my mindset so I no longer waste my energy worrying much about things I can’t control.

Instead, I am aware that any of these things could happen and so I am trying to live every day to the fullest. It is a guiding principle in many choices for me.

For example, last year when we were planning our budget there was a chunk of money that we could either use for new flooring (which we desperately want) or a family vacation to sunny Florida. We went with the latter.

My exact thinking at the time was “I will never lie on my death bed and wish I would have had nicer floors, but this special time with my kids will stay with me forever.”

Good choice. A year after the trip, I still wouldn’t trade the memories for anything.

I guess I was primed to be thinking about this when I heard the Mat Kearney song because I recently read a book with a similar message. In “The Year of Magical Thinking,” Joan Didion tells the heart-breaking true story of the year she lost her husband to a heart attack while her daughter spent months in the ICU. Throughout the beautifully crafted memoir, Didion repeats one line:

“You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.”

When I first started reading the book I thought to myself, “Can you handle this one, Jen?” I am very aware of how close to the edge of sanity I was when I first became a mom and I used to worry for hours and days about things like my children landing in the ICU. And my own father is a heart attack survivor.

I decided to carry on with the reading and I’m so glad I did. Much to my surprise, the book did not cause me to worry. It only strengthened my feelings of optimism and gratitude, because even though some things in my life may not be perfect right now, all the truly important things are just fine.

I guess a little reminder once in a while is a very nice thing.

Life is good. I know that could change in an instant. So, for now, I’m going to soak up the sun.

The Belligerent Optimist

The tone of my blog may be changing a bit. Hopefully this will be a very temporary disruption. My husband lost his job yesterday. Yes, this disgusting economy continues to take its toll. And if you’ve read my previous post about money, you know that this loss of income will be more than a minor inconvenience for my family.

Obviously, I will keep working hard and earning a living the best I can. But what else can I do to help my family get through this? At the very least, I owe it to my kids not to let this situation turn us into miserable people.

I will be the belligerent optimist. I am going to fight all the negativity that keeps creeping in as if my life depended on it. In some ways, I think it does.

Unfortunately a positive attitude won’t change the facts if we can’t pay the bills, but it can help me deal with the reality. The bottom line is that I know my close relatives and good friends will not let my family starve or end up living in a box. Times may not be easy, but they could be much worse. We have it so good in so many ways – health, love, freedom – to name a critical few.

I pledge not to dwell, but facing my family’s crisis on these pages may just be the best therapy to get me through this nightmare. As I write about my commitment to strength, I believe it. And I know very soon there will be plenty of good news to share.