Christmas With Grandma

We started a new tradition on Christmas this year. Well, actually, we introduced our children to an old tradition that was started by my Grandma B. back when I was a child.

Christmas in my heart will always be back at my Grandparents’. My dad was one of seven siblings, so it was a very full house with our numbers growing each year as more and more grandchildren and then great grandchildren were added to the clan. But no matter how crowded, there was always room for all – including space for anyone who didn’t have a place to go for Christmas. Everyone was welcomed as family.

I fondly remember my Grandma's expansive dinner buffet that spread across two rooms and several tables. We had to use the big lunchroom-style plates with several compartments to hold all the food, but still the styrofoam started bending with the weight of it all about halfway through the line. Among the many delicious dishes, my grandma’s famous cheesy yellow beans were always there, as were every kind of cookie and jello salad imaginable. It was a child’s dream dinner!

At the end of the table my grandma had a cup set out for each and every person on which she wrote our names in her messy hand. Deciphering which cup belonged to who was always part of the fun. But the best part was filling those cups with the sweet red drink from her beautiful punch bowl. It was the kind of punch made with Hawaiian Punch, Sprite and sherbet, with a ring of frozen fruit floating in the middle. When one ring would melt away it was quickly replaced with another that my Grandma had all ready to go in the freezer.

Oh the punch! That was not the tradition we carried over this year, but I am thinking that it needs to start next year. Every child should have punch at Christmas! And lucky me – I have my grandma’s punch bowl to serve it in. It was given to me when my Grandma’s house was sold three years ago when she could no longer live alone. When the Alzheimer’s finally got too bad. But I won’t let that nasty disease interfere with my memories of Christmas at Grandma’s...

The special tradition that we passed on to our children this year was what happened after Christmas dinner at my Grandma’s. After we had filled every room of the house for a sit-down meal at folding tables covered with table cloths, of course all of us children were drawn to the mounds of gifts stacked as tall as the tree in the corner of the living room. But, no, we had to wait. We had to earn our presents. While the adults cleaned up the dishes, we were sent away to the basement to plan our annual Christmas show. The only rule was that everyone had to participate.

Some of us came prepared with Christmas songs practiced on our clarinet or violin, but most of us collaborated on the spot and made up funny dances or holiday skits to perform together. It is the memory of that time in the basement with my cousins that I cherish most of all. It’s the kind of time that family is all about. As the mother of seven, Grandma knew what she was doing!

When the last dish was done and the final table was folded and stored away, the kids were finally called up from the basement to show off our stuff using my Grandma’s special microphone. She always sat right up front and recorded every detail. Man, I wish I had the tapes of those shows. We earned a lot of applause and even a few happy tears every year. And, of course, our gifts.

So, this year after Christmas brunch at my parents’ house, my kids didn't get to go directly to the presents. We all moved into the living room to watch my oldest daughter play Jingle Bells on the piano while the younger two shook bells and danced. It was the perfect way for them to honor the memory of their Great Grandma, who succumbed to Alzheimer’s earlier this month at the age of 85. I’m glad she was free from the disease this Christmas so she could enjoy that special performance of Jingle Bells. It was just for her.

Street Food

Creamy sweet potato tacos topped with spicy black beans, steaming Indian-spiced mini donuts coated in sugar, and an icy glass bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola - lunch doesn't get better!

It was the summer of street food in downtown Minneapolis. Gourmet meals and treats cooked on propane and served out of a truck. How very big city for us!

I was first introduced to Chef Shack by my hipster friend Jenn. I was skeptical to say the least (think hot dog stand), but I trust Jenn so I trekked over to 5th and Hennepin with her and ordered my first street food. We brought it back to our desks that day so I had to email her to comment on how freaking awesome it was. The message was something to the affect of "OMG - I'm licking my fingers! Can we go back tomorrow?!"

No question I was immediately hooked. I loved the chance to escape outside over lunch, plus my usual stops just don't match up to the unique and delicious offerings of the trucks. And with the menu changing daily, there was always something new to feed my addiction.

Topping my list are Dandelion Kitchen's grilled cheese with slaw, World Street Kitchen's spicy yum yum rice bowl, and, of course, the previously mentioned sweet potato tacos and mini donuts from Chef Shack.

Oh how sad I am that Chef Shack's tweets have changed from what they are serving down the street to where they are dining in NYC (jealous!). They all closed for the season last week, aside from Dandelion Kitchen, which is sticking it out into November "weather permitting." Glad I still have the chance to try their much acclaimed pumpkin soup!

Then I guess its back to the skyways for me. But I am keeping my WSK sticker on my bulletin board as a reminder that winter in only a temporary inconvenience and there will be more yum yum to come...

Learning The Art of Being A Working Mom (A.K.A. Bring On The Reinforcements)

April 1, 2010, marked the first day that our family of five had two parents who work full time outside the house. Before that point we had managed to maintain the flexibility of either me or my husband working part time and/or from home. It was grand.

When my husband started his new job after many months of unemployment it was such a blessing that the issues of scheduling and time management hardly crossed our minds - for the first couple months we were floating on joy and relief. Then summer came and we enjoyed the ease of our in-home summer nanny.

So, it really wasn't until the start of school last month when reality sank in. There are simply not enough hours in the day (and I mean this literally) to work, commute, participate in the kids activities, do homework, shop, cook, clean, do laundry, see friends, continue our hobbies, maintain our property, sleep, and - most importantly - have fun as a family. My head is spinning and my heart is yearning for a simpler life.

How do we keep this up without becoming lifeless cogs in the 9-5 machine? The joy of my family is really important to me.

I here declare that I refuse to let the insanity consume me.

So what am I going to do? I am calling in the professionals.

Yep, I am finally giving in and paying people to help me balance my life. I have never liked paying for services that I can do myself, but hell, I'm at the point that I barely can!

First up, I signed up for grocery delivery service and it is spectacular. Why did I wait until now?

Next, I am meeting with LifeShine coach Michelle Stimpson tomorrow to define one thing I can start doing differently right now to help create more balance in my life. I am very excited about this opportunity for guided motivation!

Then, on Tuesday I have the professionals from In The Pink cleaning service coming for a cleaning AND organization consultation! I am seriously going to let these people into my closets and all and help me create the organized systems that a busy family like ours needs. Yay! Plus they are going to clean the place top to bottom once a month. (Yes, there is a huge smile on my face as I write that!)

When I told my friend Jenn about all this she said "Someone's got a fire lit under her!" Yeah, I know, a lot at once. But would you really expect anything less of me?

I am all about breakdown prevention!

Now I just need to find someone I can pay to do the laundry...

Light Please Overcome The Shadows

Beautiful Lindsay, my sister's beloved buddy - her soul mate that I never have been. Today we celebrated your life and grieved that this world was only granted the grace of your soul for 28 short years. Although I never knew you well, you have been an always present part of my life - my sister's other sister.

Today the room was adorned with 1,000 cranes - it was gorgeous, a reflection of you - a Chinese symbol of peace. It took many friends a full week to fold the origami birds in your honor. I think back on the 1,000 cranes you folded for my sister's wedding all on your own. The countless hours you must have spent folding the tiny papers in sheer love and dedication to your friend. Such a gift for her. You were such a gift for her.

Now, I will do what I can to fill that void.

Death always casts such a dark shadow, but the illness you suffered leading to this point makes it seem all the more unjust. Lymes Disease. How a tiny tick could lead to such suffering is so hard to understand. It is so misunderstood. More must be done to prevent this pain from others.

I mourn for your parents. The loss they have suffered is more than I can imagine. I was so proud of your Mom today. She is so proud to be your mom. You and Jennie lived too short of lives, but the impression you made in the world while you were here was very clear today.

I believe there is light beyond the shadows and the two of you are basking in it within each other's arms right now. May your souls live on in peace.

For Suz, please lean on me. I will be here for you, I promise.

Releasing

It felt good to close the month of September. It is always a month of such tremendous transition for everyone as we move into fall and release our children to their professional educators for another year of school. New routines, new people, and new excitement - and lot of new stress as we adjust to it all.

To make room for the changes, I've been focusing on physically and mentally clearing the clutter.

Remember how I was trying to reduce the contents of my house by 25 percent last winter? Well, I did pretty good. All of this went out the door at the garage sale in May...

(No, I'm not a creepy hoarder, that is a picture of my garage the night before the garage sale.)

But we never made it to our bedroom while we were doing the clean out, and really that should be the most clutter free area of the house. So, I've spent a chunk of the past few weekends sorting through clothes and memorabilia and making some small decor improvements to transform our bedroom into the relaxing sanctuary it should be. It's getting close!

I also made a point to create time for some family fun and mental refreshment, a much-needed exercise during a particularly trying period at work. We spent Labor Day weekend with friends at the lake where we had a blast with the kids (wow that feels like more than a month ago!). Then mid-month my husband and I took a long weekend in Massachusetts for a belated 10-year anniversary celebration. It was oh so nice to relax together and just, well, play. One of the highlights of our trip was the Life is Good festival, which was a joy-inspiring event. I love this picture...

And here we are back in the spot we were engaged 11 years ago in Marblehead.

While vacationing, I had the opportunity to evaluate everything filling my mind so I could release anything unnecessary (believe me, I tend to carry a lot of extra stuff in there). One of the things I decided to let go is my Family Goes Green blog. I have not maintained it and I am obsessive enough to allow a stagnant blog to be a source of stress. Its not that I don't still have passion for the topic, its that we are simply living the experience and I guess I just don't have a lot to say about it - as I'm sure you can feel if you've read it, my writing has felt forced and uninspired. I figure if I'm not benefiting from it and nobody else is benefiting from it, why keep it?! So farewell to my well-intentioned blog. I will keep your spirit alive on these pages.

Here's to a wonderful school year in which we can all find room for the joy amidst our busy routines.

Nature is So Cool

Sometimes Mother Nature just grabs me by the arm and reminds me to slow down. Relax. Enjoy.

A Beauty-Full Day To Be Jen!

Thanks to Liv at Choosing Beauty for the love today in your sweet post, Choosing To Give It Up For Jen!

Choosing Beauty is an inspiring celebration every day. I recommend that everyone takes a daily break for a little dose of beauty from Liv!

Billboards, Bikers & Adult Entertainment: Memories From The Road

We just returned from a family vacation to South Dakota. "The Great American Road Trip" they call it and it definitely is - we counted license plates from 38 states in the Mount Rushmore parking lot alone!

We had so many great experiences on this trip (and a few moments I'd like to forget), but it is funny how looking back on a meticulously planned trip, some of the things that brought us the most enjoyment were things that never would have occurred to me in advance - and if I would have thought of them they would have been on the list to surely avoid.


On our first day of travel we made it six hours down I-90 into Chamberlain, SD. Soon after crossing the border my husband and I dubbed the state “the land of 10,000 billboards.” At first it was a term of annoyance. How unfortunate the beautiful scenery is mucked up with so many signs. But after a few hundred miles we realized that farmland gets fairly boring to look at after a while and, well, the billboards are actually kind of brilliant. We used them to play the alphabet game, we counted the Wall Drug signs, and we guessed the age of the signs (some clearly not replaced since my first trip to SD as a child). We got ideas of places to go and we got really excited each time we saw a sign about one of the attractions on our agenda. The billboards definitely became our friends and we missed them on the way home.

When not looking at the billboards, we were usually watching the bikers. Little did we know that we had planned our vacation to intersect with the annual Sturgis rally. Our first realization of this fact was a bit concerning. Would it mean huge crowds? Lots of noise? Slow traffic? Would our son grow up to be a biker inspired by this very trip?! I can’t comment on the last question yet, but if it happens to be the case I am no longer concerned after spending a week in the presence of so many pleasant Harley folk. The kids loved watching the hundreds of bikers and my husband and I enjoyed guessing what types of corporate jobs they were escaping from for their week in Sturgis. And they were the first people to smile and offer to take a family picture. In all honestly, if we wouldn’t have had the kids with us, we would have probably ended up in Sturgis by the end of the week the culture looked so fun!

And then there was the adult entertainment (not related to Sturgis, I will note). We had some good laughs over the most inappropriate things. After hours of seeing signs promoting the “adult superstore” Sugar Shack, it turned out to be across the parking lot from our hotel in Chamberlain. Classic. And then when we finally made it to our hotel in Rapid City, our three year old ordered a porn flick while we were carrying in the luggage. Luckily his sister knew enough to turn it off a couple minutes into it (who knows what they saw!) and to tell us so we could promptly activate the parental controls on the TV. Fortunately the hotel was nice enough to credit the $16.95 back to our room. That incident was too funny coupled our discovery that our Rapid City hotel hosted adult-only bikini parties at the pool after hours. And we thought by staying at a water park we were guaranteed a nice family setting – ha!

And so, between the national parks and monuments, we had a lot of great moments that we never could have planned – the things that are often forgotten, but I don’t want to – this is what it’s all about! Oh, and this...

My Cocktail Garden

For my 35th birthday last year my friend Laura gave me one of the coolest gifts ever - a cocktail garden. The beautiful pot was bursting with mint, basil and lemongrass with colorful swizzle sticks stuck among the plants. The gift also included a small hand-made book of cocktail recipes, each calling for one of the herbs. What a fun and thoughtful gift! I really wish I had taken a picture.

I guess more important than a picture is that I really enjoyed the gift long after my birthday. It inspired me to use my herb garden in ways I hadn't thought of. This year I planted more of the herbs she gave me and I have been using them more than ever before. Especially the mint. This has been the summer of the mojito and my house! Even the kids are loving them (virgin, of course). Every time I have one I think of Laura and her awesome gift.

Thank you, dear, for sharing your creativity and generosity with me. Cheers to you!

Learning in The Garden

Transferred from my "green" blog upon its closure - one of two posts I saved because it is filled with special memories : )

This summer we made our first serious attempt at vegetable gardening - well actually there is nothing serious about it - it is all fun!

We started in May when we had the privilege of hosting our daughter’s Brownie troop at our house. We got to pick the activities for the meeting, so we decided on a healthy garden theme. The girls painted terracotta pots and planted sunflower, basil, bean and tomato seeds in peat pots.

We talked about how to care for the seedlings and asked the girls to report back on the progress of the plants. We ended the meeting with a snack of locally grown fruits and vegetables and we discussed nutrition – it was really fun to see the girls’ interest in the topic – and we loved that there was no disappointment shown over our healthy snack choice!


Sure enough the seedlings took off, so we decided they needed a home. We constructed a small raised bed where we planted the seedlings as well as some strawberry plants, tomato plants, and bean and carrot seeds. We have let the kids manage most of the garden care, which has been an awesome and rewarding learning experience for all of us.

And now we are on to the harvest! There is something fresh and ready for us every day - we check on our veggies first thing when we get home. We are already planning for a major garden expansion next year. We still have a lot to learn - like better spacing our plants and mulching around them - but we have found that we definitely belong in the garden.

Nurturing My Middle's Heart

Yesterday I ordered a book titled, Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach.

It makes me feel bad to admit that because by choosing the title I am classifying my daughter as "difficult." It is also a bit embarrassing to confess that I need help parenting my own child. But I guess I have to let all that go and instead feel proud that I am taking steps towards transformation. And I like the sound of "the nurtured heart approach."

Funny that I am struggling with my daughter being that she reminds me so much of myself. We are both middle children. She is, like I was, extremely quiet at school and an angel when she is visiting a friend's house - but the true child comes out at home.

I was constantly pushing my siblings to the limit. I used to sit pleasantly at family dinners with an innocent smile on my face while under the table I was giving my brother intense snake bites on his arm.

Although I don't remember this particular moment, my younger sister gives accounts of when I babysat her and made her play jail, which included locking her in the back hall and only allowing her bread and water.

My mom even admits the story of one time when she was vacuuming the stairs and I came up behind her. Over her shoulder she asked, "what honey?" And I said, "no, it's me Jenny." I was so accustomed to being in trouble that I assumed she had mistaken me for my brother to call me honey. She was crushed when she realized my assumption and remembers this as a defining moment as a parent.

So now I wear her shoes.

Last night we went to see the movie Ramona and Beezus. I brought my girls with no expectations of adult enjoyment but ended up in tender tears. The dad character was inspiring to me in the way he handled the antics of the rambunctious middle child Ramona. It definitely appeared to be the nurtured heart approach.

I am looking forward to my Amazon package!

A Year of Living Lovely

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

If you are a Rent fan, you are surely singing along by now...

Seasons of Love is one of my all-time favorite songs. It immediately came to mind when I realized that it’s been a year since I started my little blog. It is so interesting to look back and see how my most recent 525,600 minutes are reflected on these pages. It was a pretty eventful and emotional year.

I have to admit, I’ve never stuck with any blog or journal for this long, so it is really fun to have this collection of thoughts and memories in one place. It confirms for me the value of this writing, even if nobody reads it but me and even if I'm not terribly consistent about it. Here’s how my year was summed up in tags:

aluminum, be the change you want to see in the world, benign, bickering kids, black bears, blessings overload, Blue Zone, Bob Mould, BPA, budget, busy mom, BWCA, cancer, cardio challenge, cats, children, Children's Theatre Company, Christmas cookies, Click Clack Moo, Club2030, clutter, Committed, dating your spouse, depression, disposable utencils, Earth Day, eat local and organic, eat organic, economy, endorphins, environment, exercise, Family Goes Green, family time, family wellness, Fanfarlo, farmers market, fear, Feng Shui, financial stress, First Ave, fitness, Food Inc., Food Pyramid, friends, gardening, generations, grandma, grandparents, gratitude, happiness, health care war, healthy eating, holiday cards, holiday lights, household organization, intention, is plastic safe?, Jason Mraz, job loss, keeping up with the Joneses, kids dishes by Duralex, Klean Kanteen, layoffs, light therapy, Lily Allen, live lovely, love each day, lovely life, marriage with intention, Mason Jennings, meal planning, medicine of the mind, memories, Minnesota winter, money, Mother's Day, motherhood, music, my style of blogging, new job, nurturing those I love, nutrition, One Phone Call From Our Knees, One Small Change, optimism, Organized Audrey, pets reduce stress, Phipps Theater, photos, pictures, plants, play, positive energy, reuse, Rock the Cradle, roller coasters, rotating toys, Sarah's Key, save money, save the planet, seasons, soul food, speed of time, spring, Stages Theater Company, stay-home dad, stitching, surgery, tears, tempered glass dishes, Ten Thousand Villiages, Thankgiving, The Book Thief, The Current, The Dead, The Secret Garden, the tumor, The Year of Magical Thinking, therapy, tight budget, Twin Cities arts scene, U2, unemployment, video games, waiting, Walker Art Center Free First Saturdays, water conservation, working mom, writing as an art

I’m doing my best to measure in love.

Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow

I just finished a re-read of the classic The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Always a pleasant summer read of restoration, love, and the sheer beauty of nature.

The final chapter includes my favorite line "Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow." There is no better metaphor for relationships and parenting. A good reminder to slow down and nurture those I love - and the garden is the perfect setting.

This year I am simply letting my perennials enjoy the sun and rain while I focus my attention on establishing a new produce garden with the kids and tending to my herb pots, as well as a few other garden expansion projects we're attempting. A few happy shots from our summer home...

The Beauty of No Time

We had one of those wonderful weekends when nothing was controlled by the clock.

We woke up when the kids got us.

We ate when we were hungry.

We drank wine when we felt like it.

We rested when we were tired.

We laughed a lot.

We rested some more.

We played.

It was happiness.

Thank you Dagmar, Dale, Mary Ellen and Carl. I think I forgot what that feels like.

Do I Sense Some Criticism Here?

I have taken to a strange sort of blogging. I don’t update very often and when I do it seems that I am usually posting a thought I had a week ago and just haven’t gotten around to typing yet. Reason: I’m really busy lately – uncomfortably so, and when I do have free time I am outside enjoying summer. Anyway, it got me thinking about if what I am doing actually fits the definition of blogging anymore, so I looked up the word online and came across this entry in the Slang Dictionary:

blog n. A type of online diary that someone makes available to other people on the internet. (A very popular way to communicate one's personal details without any social interaction.) : John started a weblog so that other people could read about what he eats for breakfast. , I deleted my blog, since it was too silly.
Dictionary of American Slang and Colloquial Expressions by Richard A. Spears.Fourth Edition.
Copyright 2007. Published by McGraw Hill.

Any question on what the author thinks about bloggers? I choose to believe that blogging and social media actually enhance my social interaction, as my personal connections are often limited by my busy schedule. I would love to be sitting down to dinner regularly with friends and family discussing these topics, but at this point in my life that just isn’t possible. So, I think of it as a supplement rather than a substitute. Thoughts?

Sarah's Key

My book time is the one huge benefit of spending almost two hours each day commuting. I have enjoyed so many interesting, thought-provoking, and emotional books over the years, but only rarely do I come across one that truly moves me.

That is the case with Sarah's Key, by Tatiana de Rosnay. It has been almost a month since I finished this book and it is still a fixture in my mind.

Sarah's Key is a work of historical fiction set in 1942 during the German occupation of France. It shares the true hidden story of the French government willingly sending many thousands of French Jewish people - including children - to their deaths at Auschwitz. As you follow the path of one such family in the book, the reality of this piece of history seems almost unimaginable. It's the recent past that we would all like to pretend didn't happen.

de Rosnay makes this tragic tale bearable by inserting a delicious modern day story in alternating chapters. Oh, and the Bertrand character - I used to date his clone. An oh-so-perfectly written French man...

This book is completely heart wrenching and wonderful. A must read. Please do. If you read it (or have read it already), let me know what you think. I love discussing books almost as much as reading them!

Stitching Generations Together

My grandma has always been talented in embroidery. Her fine needlework has graced everything from pillows to table coverings to quilts, but she is most famous for her dish towels - each one a perfect work of art.

Unfortunately the Arthritis in her fingers has forced her to stop stitching over the past couple years. Her basket still sits by her chair, but it is rarely touched.

Yesterday when we were getting ready to visit my grandma on Mother's Day, I saw my six-year-old daughter packing a bag of embroidery floss to bring along. I asked what it was for and she said she wanted great grandma to teach her.

What a brilliant idea! Why had I never thought of that?

At my grandma's my daughter drew her own pattern on the cloth and they talked through the steps. My mom and my husband helped her get started, making it a special moment for all.

My daughter carefully worked on her stitching through the afternoon while we enjoyed the sunshine in my grandma’s garden. Just before it was time to head home I was presented with the completed gift.

Their multi-generational bonding, the sharing of my grandma’s craft, and my daughter’s diligent handiwork came together to create one simple, yet magnificent word: LOVE.

Much love and happiness to all mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends throughout the year!

Decluttering Feng Shui Style

It is two weeks until the garage sale, my deadline for getting my house decluttered. I'll be honest - for the last few months I've done nothing. I'm in major need of motivation, so it is perfect that I happened to come across this unpublished piece I wrote back in January - it is just what I need to get back in purging mode...

My friend Amy has transformed her life by embracing Buddhism and Feng Shui. She suggested starting the new year with the Feng Shui practice of eliminating nine things a day for nine days to make room for new positive energy in your life.

It is also common Feng Shui practice to acknowledge and appreciate the purpose an item served in your life when you let it go, hence the list that follows.

4 baby blankets given to a friend with a new baby boy - I remember cuddling my little guy in these blankets and how soft and warm they were for both of us.

10 baby outfits given to a family member with a baby boy - my boy brought life to each of these outfits for such a short time before growing too big, it's wonderful that someone else can wear them now.

1 dead Christmas tree - for one month in our house it provided a focal point for a very joyful season.

1 broken vacuum - the first vacuum we bought as a couple, helped us keep the carpets clean in our very first home. Why it's stayed in the closet for years I just don't know.

10 outfits I no longer wear - I remember the phases of my life when I chose each outfit. How spoiled I am to have clothes designed as much for fashion as function.

5 broken Barbie dolls - broken because of many hours of play from my girls - possibly the hardest things to let go because they still "love" the dolls even with the missing arms, legs or head.

1 bag of random toy pieces - ugh - I hope they provided some fun for my kids at one point. I mostly just remember them as being scattered around the house where they didn't belong.

3 bags of store returns - Not Christmas gifts I got, rather gifts I purchased but then decided to give something else instead. These gave me peace of mind that I at least had *something* if the perfect thing never came along.

1 electric clothes drying rack - this was a Christmas gift and it is a good reminder of who I don't want to become. Excess is what I am trying to get rid of and electricity is what I am trying not to waste.

1 pizza cooker - Another gift that falls in the same category as that last. My oven works just fine and we just really don't need to be eating that much pizza.

3 games with missing pieces - These missing pieces may actually be in the bag of junk noted above, but not worth the search. Fun at the time, but just taking up space now.

1 stack of old magazines - I love to read and surely got pleasure from these pages. But recycling them felt so good because hording things like magazines is definitely one of my pack rat issues.

1 bag of plastic dishes - Many meals were served to my kids on these - hopefully not too many chemicals were served at the same time.

2 coats - A warm coat on a cold day is worth so much. I'm glad I had these to wear and I hope they will provide comfort to someone else now.

5 pairs of worn out shoes - These served me well as I wore them to the ground! Not even in condition to donate. I like that.

That did feel good! I now welcome the positive energy (and the organized house).

Misti's Story

Transferred from my "green" blog upon its closure - one of two posts I saved because it is filled with special memories : )

This morning I was sent a chain email warning pet owners about cocoa mulch and the potential toxicity to animals. I never know how much to believe those emails, but scary nonetheless. Immediately it made me think of my little Misti. How I miss that girl.

Misti entered my life Thanksgiving weekend 1996. She was a tiny little ball of black fur. So nervous, but sweet as can be. She was a year old when I adopted her.

It took a couple weeks of transition, but soon Misti and my older cat, Cody, were the best of friends. They would lay together on the couch, bodies entwined, licking each other's fur - it was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. At the time I was single and lived in an apartment. Those cats were my family.

Our lives changed a lot over the next few years. We moved twice, gained my husband, and welcomed a couple of kids. It wasn't until we moved to our current house in 2002 that the cats started to explore the outdoors sometimes. They loved our wooded lot and all the birds, bugs and chipmunks that came with it. It just felt natural for them to be running around out there.

This story really begins in July of 2005. One sunny afternoon the cats went out to play, but Misti didn't come back. With her nervous tendencies, she was normally the one who hung close to home, so we were immediately worried. We combed the woods and walked the neighborhood calling her name and whistling, but she didn't come.

I went to bed that night feeling sad and lost. I felt like it was my fault for letting her be outside. Then, about midnight my husband woke me to let me know that she had come home. I rushed downstairs to see her, so excited, but right away I knew something was wrong. She didn't seem to respond to me normally and her eyes looked really strange. But it had been extremely hot that day, so we thought maybe she was disoriented because of the heat.

The next morning, Friday, she seemed like herself again. She still wasn't eating normally, but she looked like herself and was reacting to us the way she usually did. We were overjoyed. We resumed our normal patterns.

Saturday, July 15, was our fifth wedding anniversary. We spent the day at a family event and came home late afternoon to get ready for our date night. When I opened the door from the garage to the house, Misti was laying there like she was waiting for us. Her fur was covered with dried blood.

Crying (as I am as I write this), I carried her into the house where I saw trails of bloody vomit everywhere.

The next 24 were spent at the emergency vet where they tried to help her, but one by one her organs were shutting down. It was too late. Misti had been poisoned and the toxins had already spread throughout her body.

The vet suggested it was likely De Con, which someone probably put out to prevent rodents. I didn't even know what De Con was - they had to explain to me. But, I guess we'll never know for sure what happened.

Sunday night I cuddled her and said my goodbyes. I sang her song, "Oh Misti, you're so fine..." My husband held her in his arms when they inserted the needle and she went to sleep.

If we would have brought her in when she came home that first night the story may have had a happier ending. We just truly never even thought of anything like poisoning. It never even occurred to us.

I'm sharing this story in hopes that it could possibly help prevent another family from losing a pet - or worse. Skip the poisons, people. Please!

One Small Change: Every Day Is Earth Day

I have been writing this in my head for a couple days and I intended to post it on Earth Day - but it's okay that I'm a bit late, actually its quite well suited for the title.

It's been a while since I've made an appearance here and there's a couple reasons for that: its been an incredibly busy month for our family and, at the same time, the biggest issue that I've had on my mind is one that I haven't known how to approach in writing - my daughter's health.

I have decided not to go into detail about that here, for her privacy, but know that she is okay. It's just that for the first time since becoming parents we are finally understanding just how seriously our children's health is in our hands.

So what does all this have to do with One Small Change? Well, I believe (know) there is a very direct correlation between nature and health and its about time that I do a better job of helping my family's lifestyle reflect that in everything we do.

Plus, our family has felt good about the small changes that we've made recently and we don't want to end our progress with the conclusion of One Small Change this month.

So...drum roll please...we just launched a new family blog called Family Goes Green where we will document our journey of progress in nuturing both the health of our family and this fine planet we call home. Please join us when you can - we will appreciate all the support we can get.

I am filled with hope and this beautiful spring is providing plenty of inspiration...

(I took both of these pictures with my phone - not bad, huh?!)

Sidewalk Chalk

At our house sidewalk chalk is the first rite of spring.
And I know this is just a few brief weeks away...

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
- Bertrand Russell

For My Mental Health

I hate politics. Not because I don't care, but because if I allow myself to engage too much I could spend my life in constant heated debate, which just really wouldn't be fun at all.

But I'm having a hard time sitting back and observing this "health care war." I am probably what they would call a bleeding-heart Democrat. And I don't agree with all of the provisions in the bill that was just signed to law. But both points aside, I truly believe this is positive progress for our country and I am appalled by some of the idiocy this has brought public.

Yesterday I had to practically sit on my hands to prevent responses to some of the posts in my facebook feed. Just so I can let it go, I'm going to post here a few of the responses I wanted to write. Hopefully then I can relax. Although I don't think it will help me feel less sad. The greed and hatred in this world make me scared for the future.

FB: Wait, why do I have a sinking feeling we aren't an "average/typical" family?? And, why do I have a feeling we have the "cadillac" plan (and trust me - it SO is not!)

I feel very sorry for you if you do not realize how above average your life is. You live in a gorgeous home in a wealthy suburb and send your children to an exclusive private school. You are privileged to go on multiple vacations every year. You have two nice cars and every electronic gadget known to man. And, much more importantly than any of that, you are healthy! I know you gave a bag of food to the poor at Thanksgiving because you told us all about it on facebook, but maybe its time to really look past the golf course in front of your house - there's a big bad world of true suffering out there that fortunate people like you could really help. But, since this is all about you, let me point out that although this legislation may not help you directly, in the long run the collective benefit to society could lead to a more stable economy, which in the end could actually mean even more money for you. I hope that helps you feel better.

FB: [Name] thinks it is ironic that today, in history, the British Government passed the Stamp Act, which was the final straw to send the Colonies towards the Revolution. As I sit in the city where everyone signed the Declaration of Independence, I think the Founders wouldn't recognize our country today.

While you are on your business trip in New York I suggest you swing by the Statue of Liberty and read the words engraved at her base: "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

FB: I love this quote: "So we just passed a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he didn't understand it, passed by a Congress that exempts themselves from it, signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and..... financed by a country that's broke?"

I'm sorry, but I really have to unfriend you. If you love that quote than I'm guessing we just don't have anything in common.

Sorry people, I just had to let it out.

The Roller Coaster

We have been on quite the roller coaster this past year. Our stomachs were filled with butterflies on the long, slow climb; then they tanked as we dropped in what felt like a free fall. Now, we are screaming with glee extending our arms to the sky!

Just one week after hearing the joyous news that my tumor was benign, my husband accepted a job today ending eight months of unemployment. YEEEEAAHHH!!!

I have always been the type of person who feels emotion very deeply. I'm sure some call it dramatic. I prefer passionate. Either way, this ride has taken me to every end of the spectrum. I am ready to get off and just chill for a while.

By the way, I do love roller coasters. The best ever is the Aerosmith Rockin' Roller Coaster at Hollywood Studios in Disney World. It's worth a visit...

On The Gift Of Motherhood

As I lay in bed recovering from my recent surgery, I've had more than my share of time to ponder life. As always, my children have positioned themselves in the front of my mind. This whole situation has really made me think about how precious life is and how blessed I am to have these little people in my care.

My eldest daughter turned eight last week, which is just unbelievable to me. I thought by the time I had a child this age I would have figured out the whole motherhood thing. Not so. Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in day-to-day life that I don't even notice that time is passing by until something stops us in our tracks.

Watching my daughter become her own person is a truly surreal experience. I can't keep up with how quickly she is learning and growing each day. Just before her birthday we found out that she is invited to do a reading in church at her first communion service - in front of a congregation of hundreds. What an amazing experience for my shy little girl. My little girl! I just can't believe it. I am trying not to make her nervous - I am so nervous for her!

She is such a part of me that sometimes I struggle to separate her experiences from my own. I guess I just need to accept that feeling, because I'm pretty sure it never ends. I saw it in my mom's eyes when she sat next to my hospital bed this week. At 35, I'm still her little girl.

All of these feelings about watching my kids become, well, themselves, are beautifully captured in one of my favorite songs. These lyrics never fail to touch me:

well your children will not be your children
they are the daughters, the sons of a beginning
they'll come through your womb but not be coming from you
they will be with you, but they do not belong to you
you can give them your love but not your thoughts
cause they'll arrive with their own hearts
they're the coming of angels this blessed season
and then they'll sing oh yea god rests in reason

- from God Rests in Reason by Jason Mraz

Hmmm... I have another full week in bed ahead of me. I'll either be a lot more clear or more crazy by next Sunday! At least I know that this one week will go slowly and will be filled with lots of hugs. What a gift!

I'm closing with a picture of three-generations of girls taken a couple years ago at my mom's 60th birthday party. Seems fitting with my thoughts tonight. Again, all I can say is what a gift!

One Small Change: Plants

My focus lately has been on health and home, so my One Small Change for March is filling my home with plants. By the end of the month I plan to have at least as many plants as rooms.

Although this change may sound more like a plan to spiff up my house, there are plenty of other benefits. Most importantly, plants help clean the air we breathe by absorbing toxins and providing oxygen - so important with all the pollutants in our environment (duh). Plants have also been proven to reduce stress, which is exactly what I need right now.

Plus, I really just miss the energy of having plants around. I used to have a home filled with plants and I slowly let them go when my kids were babies because I was worried about them eating them and such. Now I feel like I robbed my poor kids by removing the plants!

While I create my botanical household, I will also continue with my changes from January and February - conserving water and reducing disposables. It has been pleasing to see how quickly these changes have become habit, which motivates me to continue making positive changes long after the "official" One Small Change movement has closed.

Ten Thousand Villages

In case you are like me and haven't heard of this place, I have to share my most recent exciting find - Ten Thousand Villages, an amazing store on Grand Avenue in St. Paul (across from Cafe Latte in the mall by Bread and Chocolate). The non-profit store sells handmade gifts, jewelry, decor, art and more for extremely reasonable prices. I was going nuts over the pottery, textiles, necklaces and instruments!

But what's really cool is that the company is one of the world's largest fair trade organizations and a founding member of the World Fair Trade Organization. Here's what I learned on the Ten Thousand Villages website:

The company strives to improve the livelihood of tens of thousands of disadvantaged artisans in 38 countries. Ten Thousand Villages accomplishes this by establishing a sustainable market for handmade products in North America, and building long term buying relationships in places where skilled artisan partners lack opportunities for stable income. Product sales help pay for food, education, healthcare and housing for artisans who would otherwise be unemployed or underemployed.

How great is that?! This is my new favorite store and where I will be buying all my gifts going forward for my lucky friends and family. Too good not to share...

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

My surgery is scheduled for March 10. Five weeks after the ultrasound where they discovered the orange-sized complex tumor on my ovary. If the tumor doesn't kill me, I'm afraid the waiting might.

People keep telling me I should be happy the doctors aren't rushing it - it means they aren't worried. I see the point, and many recent signs have been positive, but still - we don't know what this is until we get it out.

Others tell me just to put my trust in the doctors and God. But it's hard to trust the doctors when the first one who felt this growth thought it was a fibroid in my uterus and wanted to feel it again next year. The ultrasound was by my demand. And God, well, last time I checked he wasn't offering up any cure for cancer.

I hate to complain, but this waiting room is a cold, dark and lonely place. I'm trying to pass the time with pleasant things like good music (check out Fanfarlo) and books (LOVED The Book Thief), but the clock on the wall keeps distracting me with its loud, slow tick.

I sure hope my patience is rewarded with good news. In the end, I guess I can only hope that the waiting is the hardest part.

Marriage with Intention

In my previous post about my lack of attention to my marriage last year, I mentioned that I planned to read Elizabeth Gilbert's new book, Committed. Well, I just finished it and frankly kind of wish I would have devoted the time to my marriage instead (I was reminded of how when reading Eat, Pray, Love I grew terribly tired of Gilbert's company somewhere in India). Still, I read Committed cover to cover because I had a hunch that Gilbert wouldn't break her trend of happy endings and, in that regard, she did not fail me.

I completed the book with one dog-eared page that may have made the whole book worth my time. Funny enough, the passage that spoke to me was a quote from another author:

The poet Jack Gilbert...wrote that marriage is what happens "between the memorable." He said that we often look back on our marriages years later, perhaps after one spouse has died, and all we can recall are "the vacations and emergencies" - the high points and low points. The rest of it blends into a blurry sort of daily sameness. But it is that very blurred sameness, the poet argues, that comprises marriage. Marriage is those two thousand indistinguishable breakfasts, where intimacy turns like a slow wheel. How do you measure the worth of becoming that familiar to somebody - so utterly well known and so thoroughly ever-present that you become an almost invisible necessity, like air?

I love the comfort of that passage and I truly feel that in my own marriage, so maybe I was thinking of it all wrong. Last year wasn't easy with my husband's job loss and all, but in the end it all bonds us closer together and strengthens the intimacy between us.

Still, I am and always have been an adventure seeker, so a little excitement in my marriage is never a bad thing. So, I was thrilled that Feng Shui consultant Ann Drew Yu focused her February newsletter on this very topic. Here's the formula that Ann and her husband are using to bring "the butterfly feeling" back into their dates:

Manageable: Once-a-month

Unpredictable: The date activity has to be new - something you've never done.

Surprise element: You can't reveal the plans for the date to the other until you're pulling out of the driveway.

Taboo: No talking kids or finances allowed. Period.

Dress code: It's a date. Dress like it.

Shared responsibility: Alternate who's in charge. The person in charge also manages kid coverage.

I like it! Somewhere in between Jack Gilbert's definition of marriage and Ann Drew Yu's formula for butterflies, I think I know where happiness for me and my husband lies. It's always right there - we just need to be intentional about it.

Of course, this whole recent situation with my health helps put it all in perspective as well. My honey will be there holding my hand at the oncologist tomorrow and hopefully we'll be celebrating together after a successful surgery very soon. I hope I'm not in the infirmary too long, because I can't wait to see what he'll plan for our first mystery date!

Love Each Day

Nothing puts life into perspective like the word cancer.

Yesterday, about 4:30, I was at work trying to wrap things up before catching the 5:00 bus so I could run to a meeting to plan t-shirts for an event at the girls' school. My cell phone rang (it never rings) - it was a number I didn't recognize. To the best of my shock-blurred memory, here's how the conversation went...

Me: Hi, this is Jen.

Doc: Um, hi Jen, this is Dr. Nagel calling. Um, remember when I did your pelvic exam and thought that your uterus felt enlarged? Well, after looking at the ultrasound, it looks like I was wrong. What I actually was feeling was a mass on your ovary.

Me (completely stunned): I can't believe it took you a week to call me about this. I had already written it off as no-news-is-good-news.

Doc: Well, it takes a couple days to read the ultrasound and then it goes to my inbox and I was out... Anyway, we need to take out that ovary right away. We need to schedule surgery. The mass is solid and it is not fibroidal.

Me: So you think I have ovarian cancer?

Doc: Well [long pause] we don't know anything yet. There are other things it could be. There is no fluid in your pelvis, so that's good. But we need to get it out right away. I will have someone call you to set up surgery. Actually, you know, maybe we should have an oncologist do the surgery so we don't have to open you up twice if we need to test your lymph nodes and such as well. Do you want me to have an oncologist do the surgery?

Me: I don't know. I need you to tell me what I need to do.

Doc: I'm going to refer you to the oncologist. I think they should do the surgery.

Me: I'm freaking out.

Doc: Don't worry. Someone will call you tomorrow to schedule. Don't worry.

Me: Ok, thank you. Good bye.

Then I fell apart. I cried and feared the worst right there at work where five minutes before I had been stressing about a tight deadline for a web project and joking with my boss about the firehose of work that seems to be hitting our office lately.

Here's where my mind went: when I used to spend my time worrying about illness and death, my fear was always that I would have my life cut short and miss out on something. But now I have everything that I ever really wanted and all I can think is that I don't want my kids to miss out on having a mom.

So, I have an appointment with a gyn oncologist at the U of M next week. I don't know the verdict on the big bad C word yet, so I just need to hold out hope. But its funny how quick my priorities have shifted into order.

I feel very blessed to have a waterpark overnight planned with the family this weekend. I can't think of anything better than 24 hours straight of kid smiles.

I guarantee not a minute of the time before my appointment will go unappreciated. And I intend to enjoy many millions of minutes more after that...

One Small Change: Disposable Utencils

It is time to return to The One Small Change project for month number two. First, my follow up on my January change - turning off the water when I brush my teeth. This was no problem at all. To my delight (and personal horror) I discovered that I was the only person with this bad practice in my family. Hey, at least I taught my kids right! But, I think I can comfortably say that I have easily turned this change into a habit for myself as well.

Teeth brushing aside, the first month of One Small Change was very eye opening for me. Through reading the posts of other bloggers I realized just how much room for improvement my family still has. It has also made be sadly aware of how many others seem to not be concerned at all.

One of the areas where I am most bothered is at the office. The wasted paper and use of disposables is beyond the point of crazy. It seems to be the way of downtown and it is sickening.

I've been trying to do my part long before One Small Change by always using glass coffee mugs, my water bottle and a glass plate for my food and drink. But I somehow was blind to the fact that I was still using plastic utencils.

A little rough math revealed that I have used about 3,000 plastic forks in my career. Yikes!!

So, there's my change for February. I brought in my set of silverware which I will use going forward.

This will be simple when I bring my food from home, which I am trying to do more often. The harder part will be remembering to tell the restaurants that I don't need a fork when I get take-out. I think I'll have to keep it out on my desk for a while so I think of it before I head out to grab lunch.

I will keep you posted on change number two.

What will your change be this month? I'd love to hear...

Bear Stories

Last night I was in the woods. It was getting dark and I was stumbling through the thick brush, tripping with every third step. I could hear my own voice screaming repeatedly, “Andrea, Andrea…” No response. After covering what felt like many miles, I came to a small clearing and saw her. She was face down in the water, lifeless.

I was shaking with tears on my face when I woke. Clearly the dream was a flashback to my Boundary Waters trip, with a very freaky new ending. I texted Andrea this morning to make sure she was fine (I was still a little shaken) and her response was, “I would rather drown than be eaten by a bear…could have been worse.” I chuckled. Oh, the memories...

Andrea and I made our first trip to the BWCA last summer, which climaxed with us standing face to face with a black bear in our camp site. Actually, it went downhill from there, but that was definitely the most memorable part of the experience. For a hilarious play-by-play of our crazy adventure, jump over to Andrea’s blog www.midwestmaineac.blogspot.com/ and start with Boundary Waters, Day 1 (the story is told in five posts).

Funny enough, just as I was finishing my text exchange with Andrea this morning, a work friend stopped by my desk and happened to notice the small rubber black bear that sits by my computer (a gift from Andrea). She asked me if I was following Lily the Bear online.

I had no idea that a black bear from Ely, Minnesota (our BWCA entry point) is an Internet celebrity. Thousands of people are following Lily and her new cub through the web cam in their den, featured on the North American Bear Center’s website. They are even selling I ♥ Lily t-shirts!

I admit, Lily looks pretty cute on the web cam. She is part of the Bear Center's mission to provide balanced and factual information about bears. They state that "attacks are rare and excessive warnings about them create unnecessary fear."

We knew that before we went to the Boundary Waters. Andrea actually has a bear expert in her family who has studied black bears for years. When I mentioned my concern about bears before we went, Andrea assured me that there really was nothing to fear.

That knowledge was meaningless to us when the only thing separating us and an (estimated) 300-pound bear was a food bag. I have never felt that afraid in my life.

I wonder what would have happened if we wouldn't have fled to our canoe. Would the bear have simply ignored us and gone about the business of eating our food? Would he have run away? We weren't about to volunteer for that experiment.

In hindsight, it was an amazing experience seeing a wild bear that close, and watching Lily brings me back to that day on Disappointment Lake with a smile on my face. But still, I hope the web cam view is as close as I ever get to a bear again. The nightmares are real enough.

My Rockin' City

To the outside world, the Twin Cities probably looked like a pretty miserable place to live this weekend. Nothing but cold, gray rain.

Day one of the ick was the perfect excuse to hide in the blankets by the fire and watch a flick with my honey and my kids.

Day two I relied on my winter survival strategy - we escaped to the fifth-annual Rock The Cradle event, hosted by The Current. If you aren't familiar with The Current, you have to check it out (you can stream live on the web from anywhere). It is the Twin Cities' unique public radio station that plays awesome local and indie rock along with some classic favorites. Once you switch to The Current, commercial radio is never the same.

The event brought together thousands of families at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts and the Children's Theatre Company for a disco dance party, musical instrument petting zoo, hands-on art creation, puppetry, live performances and more.

At first we were all a little overwhelmed by the huge crowd, but it soon dispersed some - plus we realized that the museum exhibits served as a wonderful meditative zone between the organized activities.

My daughters especially loved getting to try out a variety of string and percussion instruments, which were provided by the MacPhail Center For Music. I think the highlight for me was identifying all the animals in a huge clay Noah's Ark with my two-year-old son. His only disappointment was that we couldn't bring it home.

The day turned out to be a wonderful mix of fun community activities, quiet walls of art, and quality time with my family.

When we were walking out at the end of the day my husband turned to me and said, "We are so lucky to live in this city."

I couldn't agree more.

One Small Change: Water

Finding a great blog is like making a new friend – as I read each post and discover all of the fresh thoughts and ideas, my mind and soul are filled up in such a delightful way. This week I was introduced to http://www.yogurtandgranola.blogspot.com/, which is authored by a childhood friend of mine named Catherine (Katie, in my mind). I was particularly excited about her post, One Small Change.

The One Small Change project is the brainchild of Hip Mountain Mama (another blog I am thrilled to have just found). In Hip Mountain Mama's words:

"We want to challenge each of you to make one change each month leading up to Earth Day (April 22, 2010). It can be small or it can be huge, but all we ask is that you decide on something you will do to make a positive green impact and follow through with it. If everyone makes four changes between January and April, this can have a huge effect."

I am proud to join Catherine and the hundreds of others who have taken on this challenge. What a perfect fit for my commitment to “be change” this year.

Last night I spent some time thinking about what my first “small change” should be. There wasn't an obvious area of improvement that struck me - we are far from perfect, but we do a pretty good job with environmental conservation in our house. Then it came to me while I was brushing my teeth – with the water running (I shamefully admit).

My one small change for January is turning off the water while I brush my teeth.

I am very embarrassed about this. I’m quite aware that turning off the water while brushing falls into the water conservation 101 category. But, I guess I have been slacking, so now is the time to make this change for good.

Water conservation is an area where we are running out of room for error. I think this concept is sometimes hard for people to grasp because it seems there is water everywhere. But although roughly 70% of the earth is covered with water, only 2.5% of that is fresh, and much of the fresh water is frozen. That leaves just 0.5% of the world’s water as accessible fresh water. And that is depleting by the minute.

The World Bank forecasts that by 2035, more than one-third of the world’s population will be at risk of living in severely water-stressed areas. What does that mean for our children?

I really need to turn off the water when I brush my teeth.

We all need to do that and a whole lot more.

It is encouraging for me to see that some large corporations are dedicated to being part of the solution. I am happy to report that RBC, the parent of the company I work for, has committed $50 million over 10 years for endeavors dedicated to water conservation, watershed protection, access to clean drinking water and other water-related issues.

Locally, I was excited to learn that Minnesota-based Pentair Inc. is building and donating a system to collect, filter, and re-use rain water at Target Field, the new home of the Minnesota Twins. Target Field will require half the water it would have used without this system. It will be the first of its kind in a Major League Baseball stadium – way to set an example, Minnesota!

They are doing their part and I will do mine.

What will your one small change be?

What is the Cost?

Only after the last tree has been cut down.
Only after the last river has been poisoned.
Only after the last fish has been caught.
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
-Cree Indian Prophecy

I don’t want this blog to become the annoying activist type, but I write what I am thinking about and those are the types of issues on my mind today. I am continually troubled by the senseless decisions that our government, most companies, and even my own family (including myself) make because of money.

I find myself repeatedly making choices that are against my principles simply because of the price tag. Just yesterday I filled my fridge with three bags of non-organic produce because of the cost savings. Smart, many would say, because my disposable income is limited. But is it really? What will be the price later of saving a few dollars now?

The cost may be a lot more than money.

First, of course, I have the health of my family to consider. At what point are the chemicals too many? Can I not save money somewhere else so I can put pure food into my children’s bodies? In logical terms the answer seems obvious.

Looking outside my household, what price are we paying when we support the companies that produce these foods? These factory farms are contaminating our environment and squeezing out the small farmers who we want to support. It is the factory farms that are making fresh food unaffordable. The organic farmers are forced to raise prices in order to stay alive and compete.

And I’m just talking produce here. Dig into the issues of processed food and the meat industry and the discussion gets much more scary and complex.

I could spend many hours researching and writing on this topic, but it makes me too sick and worried so instead I will refer to the those who have already done the work. Watch the documentary Food, Inc. Here's the trailer.

I'm thinking its never before been so important to put my money where my mouth is.

My Art

Sometimes I wonder if people question why I spend the time blogging. I think the following quote is the answer. I may not be the most brilliant or creative writer, but writing is definitely my art in these terms:

"Artists need to redefine themselves for themselves so they can educate the people around them to accept the fact that art making is an integral part of who they are as individuals, it is NOT a job, NOT a career, NOT a profession and NOT something you chose. It chooses YOU." ~Sylvia White

And, Oh Yeah, I'm Married

Today while I ate lunch at my desk I jotted down a little list of my favorite memories from 2009. It included many wonderful things like my BWCA wilderness adventure, meeting my celebrity idol, my daughter starting kindergarten, my 35th birthday bash, et cetera, et cetera.

When I first read my list I was all aglow with warm remembrances. But quickly I was stunned to notice that none of my special moments included my husband! I mean, he was there at my party and my kids' events, but they really weren't memories of us as a couple.

Sadly, when I look back on my times with my husband last year they primarily include things like job loss, financial planning, and how-do-we-tell-the-kids discussions. There were none of the vacations and special couples moments that punctuated years past.

We let everything else come first.

I guess I felt it without realizing it, but I'm glad I'm recognizing it now. I refuse to fall into this trap.

I'm going to put some intention into recognizing what happened last year and making some changes. Nice timing that Elizabeth Gilbert's new book "Committed" is just hitting the shelves - I think reading this multi-generational exploration of marriage will help keep my focus where I want it.

This July marks our 10-year wedding anniversary and I'm deciding right now that it is going to be a year-long celebration above all else.

Love you, hon.

Time For Change

For the past few months I have featured this quote from hostage survivor, Ashley Smith, in the header of my blog:

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

I chose that quote for the sentiment of noticing beauty. I believe that taking the time to recognize all of the wonder of the world around us truly adds so much pleasure to life.

But, as I’ve sat back and thought about it, I really don’t think that’s what living a lovely life is all about. I would like to do a whole lot more than just notice beauty.

So, as we move into a new year and a new decade, I have changed my featured quote to a favorite of mine from Mahatma Gandhi:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Now, there’s a lot of change I would like to see in the world and being that I am the breadwinner for a family of five with young children, I am not even going to try to put it all on my shoulders. (Read: no peace rally organization in the near future.) But, I believe there is much that I can do to influence the immediate world around me – namely my family, home, community and environment.

This isn’t a new philosophy – it’s just fine tuning – but I thought this calendar milestone was a good time to put it in writing.

For 2010, I will place my focus on ENJOYING, CREATING and BEING part of the beauty in the world as I continue to live by my mantra: It’s a journey, but I’m choosing to live lovely.